Yes, I'm on a diet ... it originally started as a joke about grumpy being able carry me over the threshold without having to do it one leg at a time ... or (before anyone else suggests it) asking Mr Heanor Haulage if he can borrow his crane. I think even if I do lose a few pounds the best I can hope for is a fireman's lift ... but only if we can stop laughing long enough.
Now being at the tin hut with just a tape measure - which tells dreadful lies about my porkiness - to check my progress, is a tiny bit unsatisfactory. But hopefully, I may get a pleasant surprise once I'm home for a few days.
If things are looking good, then I'll be found almost constantly wearing the bathroom scales as an extension under my feet (which also makes me two inches taller so less under-height for my weight) ... on the other hand, I may just throw them through the window in disgust - I am likely to do this.
Any advocates of ADF reading this and screaming at me that 'day one' was totally wrong ... I know. And it was never repeated on subsequent down days. I started this diet mid-week on a whim and was - of course - totally unprepared.
I have decided in my wisdom that this subject is best handled by those most directly involved, namely my stomach and brain ... and a few other body parts for good measure. So, ahem, here goes:
Day One
Stomach: Look here, we've not long since had breakfast and she's bending over.
Brain: She's bowling.
Stomach: Well I can't confirm that our contents will stay down if she keeps this up.
Brain: Okay, stomach. I'll tell her to delay bowling in future.
Stomach: Ugh, luke warm mazzy watter tea, what's that for?
Brain: Sorry, no choice, she's overheating and dehydrating.
Stomach: Salt? Where's that from?
Brain: Top lip.
Stomach: S-n-o-t! ... is she eating bogies?
Brain: It's sweat, she's fifty-two, not two. Now push off, I've got to concentrate.
Stomach: On what?
Brain: Coordination ... she keeps lumbering about, bends down with her ar*e in the air and chucks a lump of black plastic at a white dot. Then of course eyes and right arm can't agree on which direction to throw it ... I think this is meant to be 'exercise for crumblies'
Stomach: Oh.
Stomach: On what?
Brain: Coordination ... she keeps lumbering about, bends down with her ar*e in the air and chucks a lump of black plastic at a white dot. Then of course eyes and right arm can't agree on which direction to throw it ... I think this is meant to be 'exercise for crumblies'
Stomach: Oh.
Stomach: Oi! Isn't it time we had food? I've finished with the muesli and we're all clear for the next lot.
Brain: She's on a diet.
Stomach: Give me strength, I thought we'd just done one.
Brain: We have.
Stomach: Shouldn't it be muesli again now?
Brain: No, I told you, we've done with the two cereals diet.
Stomach: What was wrong with that?
Brain: Another organ wasn't happy; requested a change.
Stomach: Oh, her at the end of the line? She's a prima donna that one, can't take work.
Stomach: So, is it Monday again already?
Brain: No, Wednesday.
Stomach: Wednesday! I thought it was in the rules that diets start on a Monday.
Stomach: So, is it Monday again already?
Brain: No, Wednesday.
Stomach: Wednesday! I thought it was in the rules that diets start on a Monday.
Brain: Yeah, and finish by Tuesday.
Stomach: Oi! Can you make her eat, it's a bit empty in here, I can see my creases.
Brain: I'll try, but I can't promise anything.
Stomach: Well?
Brain: Nothing doing.
Stomach: I'll do some squeezing and wobbling, that'll work.
Brain: Notice to all organs, this is a yellow alert, stomach is going to be a little disruptive ... Go ahead stomach.
Stomach: WTF! ... WATER!! What am I supposed to do with that? It's just ... wet.
Brain: Stop whinging will you, it won't last.
Stomach: Are you sure?
Brain: Yeah, she watched Horizon - Eat, Fast and Live Longer - the other night. It's yet another faddy diet she thinks is a good idea.
Stomach: Well it's not.
Brain:Hmmm, I'm not so sure, she could do with shifting some lard.
Brain:Hmmm, I'm not so sure, she could do with shifting some lard.
Stomach: Woohoo! Food coming, it's hot, yippee ... soup, where's the bread? No bread? Hold on ... it's got no substance ... slimming soup ugh.
Brain: Stomach wake up! something is on its way.
Stomach: Yeuch! hot mazzy watter ... again.
Brain: It's fruit tea ... 2 calories.
Stomach: I could have told you that, there's nowt in it.
Stomach: ALERT, ALERT we're drowning, there's water coming in by the bucket full!
Brain: Calm down, you've fallen asleep again ... she's drinking.
Stomach: Water????? ... Again, twice in one year.
Brain: I think you've got to get used to it for a day or so.
Stomach: I can't work under these conditions ... we may have to take action.
Stomach: I can't work under these conditions ... we may have to take action.
Brain: All the other organs are working optimally. Get over yourself stomach.
Stomach: Are we doing this again tomorrow?
Brain: I'm not really sure ... but I don't think so.
Day Two
Stomach: Aaaagghhhh, what's happening? I'm in a vice, I can't move. HELP!
Brain: Stop panicking, she's trying clothes on to see if they fit yet.
Stomach: Well tell her they don't.
Brain: Lungs ... deflate a little, make room for fatso.
Left Lung: Is stomach complaining again?
Brain: Yes.
Right lung: Stomach's got more wind than both of us put together.
BIG BREATH ...
Stomach: OUT OUT! Not in ... morons.
Stomach: Oho, muesli ... er, are we back on the cereals diet again?
Brain: No.
Stomach: Oooh no, there's Greek yoghurt ... no honey though. I'd better get busy.
Brain: Ummm, hang on a minute, slow down ... I'm confused, we've had coffee and a biscuit, yes?
Stomach: I dealt with that ages ago ... keep up.
Brain: O-k-a-y ... but there might not be too much more.
Stomach: Don't be daft, it's Tuesday, diet done, food is here, it needs digesting.
Brain: It's Thursday. Hmmm, slow down.
Stomach: You do your job, I'll do mine - slurp, gurgle - and proper Yorkshire tea, YUM.
Brain: Lunch on its way ... poached eggs on toast.
Stomach: Goody, I'll get this lot digested ready for the afternoon doughnut and coffee, I don't want that hanging around to spoil dinner.
Brain: She says not.
Stomach: Not what?
Brain: No doughnut.
Stomach: Fruit pie and ice-cream?
Brain: Just coffee.
Stomach: Coffee?
Brain: RED ALERT! RED ALERT! eyes and ears ... SWITCH OFF!
Stomach: What shouldn't she see or hear?
Brain: Grumpy getting a doughnut out and making a major performance of it.
Stomach: I want a doughnut, we've got plenty of room and lots of acid ready.
Brain: I say ... she's just called grumpy a git because he's wandering around eating a doughnut with jam running down his fingers.
Stomach: We're really not having one?
Brain: Oh ... eyes have spotted him surreptitiously cleaning jam off his shorts ... All body parts stand by for laughter.
Brain: You've got a meal arriving, it's a proper plateful.
Stomach: Is it worth getting excited about?
Brain: Hmmm, it's just healthy green, red and orange crunchy stuff, Oh there's a Jacket potato.
Stomach: Yay, BUTTER!! Ready ... on standby.
Brain: Nope, no butter.
Brain: Well, she's obviously eating properly now after yesterday's peculiarity, so clearly we don't need to go into starvation mode to save our blubber. Therefore, let's maintain our middle-aged metabolism as it is.
Stomach: I'll second that, it's looking good in here now ... apart from the complete lack of doughnut.
Brain: Right, body ... we really need to make up for yesterday's deficit, can we please release some fat stores.
Body: Not on your nelly, it's taken years to save all this lot.
Brain: Just do it.
Body: Won't ...
Stomach: Coffee?
Brain: RED ALERT! RED ALERT! eyes and ears ... SWITCH OFF!
Stomach: What shouldn't she see or hear?
Brain: Grumpy getting a doughnut out and making a major performance of it.
Stomach: I want a doughnut, we've got plenty of room and lots of acid ready.
Brain: I say ... she's just called grumpy a git because he's wandering around eating a doughnut with jam running down his fingers.
Stomach: We're really not having one?
Brain: Oh ... eyes have spotted him surreptitiously cleaning jam off his shorts ... All body parts stand by for laughter.
Brain: You've got a meal arriving, it's a proper plateful.
Stomach: Is it worth getting excited about?
Brain: Hmmm, it's just healthy green, red and orange crunchy stuff, Oh there's a Jacket potato.
Stomach: Yay, BUTTER!! Ready ... on standby.
Brain: Nope, no butter.
Brain: Well, she's obviously eating properly now after yesterday's peculiarity, so clearly we don't need to go into starvation mode to save our blubber. Therefore, let's maintain our middle-aged metabolism as it is.
Stomach: I'll second that, it's looking good in here now ... apart from the complete lack of doughnut.
Brain: Right, body ... we really need to make up for yesterday's deficit, can we please release some fat stores.
Body: Not on your nelly, it's taken years to save all this lot.
Brain: Just do it.
Body: Won't ...
.....
- Me and Alternate Day Fasting
- Me and Alternate Day Fasting ... Three Weeks On
- Five Weeks of Alternate Day Fasting
- Eight Weeks of Alternate Day Fasting
- Ten Weeks of Alternate Day Fasting
- Alternate Day Fasting Three Months On
- Alternate Day Fasting in Winter
- Alternate Day Fasting Over Christmas
- Me and Zumba
- Saying Goodbye To My Curves
- Eight Months Of Alternate Day Fasting And Me
- Growing Up
- A Year Of Alternate Day Fasting
- 60 Pounds Of Blubber - Vanished
- The Perils of Alternate Day Fasting
- Mr Grumpy Is Losing It
- Mr Grumpy Has Lost It
- Fasting For Maintenance
- Tweaking Maintenance
- Weight Gain
- Still Maintaining
- Four Years Of Intermittent Fasting
.....
Posts
It sounds to much like torture to me.Ne mind youll soon look like a bean pole with that REVOLTING diet.It sounds to much like punishment you will be more GRUMPY with that.Cant you even have a whisky?????
ReplyDeleteFirst of all Anonymous, I've reinstated a paragraph that I'd removed because I thought the post was becoming over-long, it explained that I'd done 'Day one' totally wrong.
ReplyDeleteI should never have started the diet on an 'active' day which also included my usual breakfast. It left me very few calories to play with, subsequently ... slimming soup!
Although it's called Alternate Day Fasting or more correctly Intermittent Fasting (even fasting is wrong), I actually restrict my calories to 400-500 only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. The other days I can eat - and drink - exactly what I want.
Although on 'Day Two' I fully expected to WANT to binge to make up for what I thought I'd missed the previous day, I found that I didn't want to.
And yes, I can have whisky four nights a week but I've only had it at the weekends and found that I enjoyed it more.
So the diet ISN'T revolting, I just totally ar*ed up 'Day One'. Yesterday I had a huge amount of veg and had plenty of protein, still kept to under 500 calories and drank lots of water. I wasn't hungry at all.
Today, I can eat what I want, which as I've mentioned won't be outrageously fattening, simply because I don't want it.
If I HAVE lost weight when I get home, I can say in all honesty that this is a very easy diet to live with, simply because I always know I haven't got to do it again tomorrow. Also if I'm going out or doing anything active, I just swap the days.
And if you're referring to my grumpiness on Friday, we know that was caused by something else ;-)
what diet are you doing ?where o where have you found that from cos ive never heard of it,Does it not bloat u at all with fasting in it?By the way you mean menopausal now dont you cos that is speaking from experience.
ReplyDeleteThe diet I'm doing is in the title. It was on Horizon the other week. Search for it using Google, it's very interesting.
DeleteThere are supposedly lots of other health benefits from following this diet which Google will show you. Whether or not it's all true I don't know.
But if I lose weight then it's the best and easiest diet I've ever done in my life (after day one) because I feel absolutely marvellous.
But only time will tell. I will of course let everyone know about my progress, good or bad.
As I say, the bathroom scales could be winging their way through the window if I'm not happy with the result when I'm home.
'Fasting' does not bloat me. I was NOT menopausal, merely hormonal for the weekend :)
well done for trying something to help you feel million dollars. and as it is easy to do, and your enjoying doing it .even better.supporting you all the way no matter what it is called if it works for you don't listen to negative comments
ReplyDeleteOooooh ta, Anonymous number two.
DeleteI've just bought the book 'The Alternate-Day Diet: Turn on Your "Skinny Gene," Shed the Pounds, and Live a Longer and Healthier Life' by James B Johnson MD for my Kindle.
I think it goes into the scientific reasons why it helps prevent diabetes, high cholesterol, certain cancers, in fact just about everything weight and age related you can think of.
If I don't fall off of my scales or new stepper doo dah and break my neck, then I should live until I'm 120! ... that should annoy the hell out of some people I know, so for that reason alone I'll be sticking to it for a while ;-D
Diets Diets Diets Diets.....
ReplyDeleteEveryone I have know or heard talk about dieting loves the diet they're on. For the first few weeks anyway, then reality kicks in... Not looking any different, don't feel any different, need something else to eat.
Diet comes to an end and the excuses begin... Wasn't working, if it did clothes wouldn't fit anyway, couldn't get on with the food, making me grumpier than ever, making me feel weak...
My throw on it all. If you are doing it for health reasons SEE THE DOC. Otherwise you are who you are, being thin, fat, short, tall or spotty, will not change YOU as a person, life on the whole is what you make it. Your man asked you to marry him for who you are not what you are, he likes you as you are. Did he ask you to diet ?
Whatever GG good luck with it all, as long as it makes you happy or grumpy whichever you prefer. :-) :-)
Thanks for your pennys-worth dayvee.
DeleteHowever I have to disagree with you about always loving the diet I'm on in the beginning ... because this has NEVER happened until now.
1. Calorie controlled - HATED from day one.
2. Slimming World - do-able but hard to eat as much as I should.
3. Atkins - LOATHED from week two.
4. Two Cereals a day diet - I liked this but my digestive system was overworked from day two.
I could go on, I've tried many diets and been miserable on them all with the exception of Slimming World.
Get a grip ... IT'S LEAP YEAR, I asked grumpy to marry me! And yes although he wouldn't ask me to diet or ever say that I was fat, I know he preferred me slimmer, because then I had more confidence and didn't hide away as I have been doing.
Also, the diet has got bugger all to do with getting married and almost EVERYTHING to do with going to Center Parcs the following week. The last two holidays we've had there, I've mostly shied away from the 'dome' because I didn't want my blubber on display!
I've never made an excuse for ending a diet because they've ALL simply fizzled out over time. And I don't ever remember being grumpy (ok, grumpier) on a diet ... bad done to and sorry for myself - yes by the bucket full.
Mainly I want to lose weight because I'm uncomfortable at this - my heaviest weight ever. And rightly or wrongly, losing weight DOES make me feel better about myself :-D
Message received GG, with all that in mind I wish you well and hope you reach (if you have one) your target.
ReplyDeleteYou can borrow my bike if and when you like ;o)
Glad you've got the message dayvee, or I may have had to start smacking you around the head (not grumpy at all).
DeleteI've not got an actual target, I find that having one can be soul destroying.
Got a bike ta :)