The Nightmares Have Begun

My regular readers will know that We've been to Ripley and booked our wedding ... OMG OMG OMG!!!!

Excuse my hysteria but time is whizzing past and the day will soon be upon us ... AAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!

I really must calm down, but I have to report that I'm well into the nightmare stage, where everything that can go wrong, DOES go wrong ... it's HORRIBLE and in glorious technicolor.

I've had to wake grumpy up to tell him about my dreams because we all know this prevents it from happening. Then I've had to retell him again during the day to make sure he's got it.

So far ... and these things are NOT going to happen because I've told anyone who hasn't been able to avoid me:

1. We're late and can't find anywhere to park the car (ooer does Ripley have a fair? where is it? when is it? ... HECK!).
2. We've forgotten the rings.
3. ditto chequebook and ...
4. The paper with our choice of words.
5. The CD - the less said about our choice of music the better, I'm already furious that I've never heard it in years and now at the 11th hour an advert has pinched it - but not to worry because ...
6. ... the speakers don't work.
7. It rains and NOTHING I'm wearing or carrying is colourfast.
8. My stockings/stay ups have rolled down my legs.
9. My dress has split.
10. All the beads fall off my dress.
11. My dress doesn't fit (yet) - this is true and probably accounts for numbers 9 and 10.
12. My hair and make-up are a total disaster.
13. My bouquet falls apart.
14. I lose both it and my engagement ring at the same time, hmmm
15. The groom can't remember how to do a Windsor knot in his tie ...

Hang on a minute though, I was awake for number 15. In fact I was having my breakfast in bed this morning and was being treated to a fashion - cough - show by my grumpy old man in his new suit and lovely spiffingly EXPENSIVE silk tie. After fifteen minutes I'd text everyone about his dilemma (I'm like that - proper nasty). Then I made him practice on an old tie ... this took another twenty minutes before we had a eureka moment.

I have to ask myself ... is it really worth it? ...

What's In A Name?

I'm afraid to say that you may have to get used to several blog posts referring to my upcoming wedding ... this is only to be expected, I am a woman.

Ahem, last week I was cruising t'Interweb to see what was required of me regards name change once the deed was done. I know I've done it once before but this was last century (25 years ago) and pre-Internet so not that many places where I needed to change it. But now in this more modern era, my name and indeed my present debit card details are liberally spread about. Damn, I just remembered another one to add to the never-ending list ... lawn bowls ergo my East Lindsey Keycard.

'Bugger it!' I announced. 'I'm not going through all that hoo hah to change my name, I like the one I've got and I'm keeping it.' This did not go down well amongst some of my lady friends (hmmm, surprisingly ... obviously they're not feminists). They seem to think I was being disrespectful to grumpy by not changing my name to match his.

Oho! this reaction was bound to irk me, something I'd said half jokingly was being taken seriously and with such a negative stance. What's wrong with you wimmin? Who says we've first got to bear our fathers name, then when he gives, GIVES us away to another man, we then become their possession and become (correct title) Mrs husband's Christian name husband's surname, NOT even (incorrect title) Mrs our Christian name husband's surname. Are we still living in the dark ages?

Hmmm, not once was it suggested by anyone that my grumpy old man change his name. I could probably go for Hubert Fauntleroy Fitzpatrick Fotheringham Abbot - it gets me back to near the beginning of the alphabet instead of me always bringing up the rear, incidentally my initial won't change this time.

Anyway, if I do decide to change my name, it'll only be because it's even more hassle not to, and not because it's the EXPECTED or traditional thing to do. What most wimmin don't seem to realise is that the wedding certificate is NOT a legal document to say your name MUST change or HAS changed. No, it's just proof of the right to change it if we want to ... when we're ready ... you know, there's no rush ... when we get around to it ... and if it's owt like my divorce, sometime in the next decade or so ...