Sunday, 31 March 2013

My Winter Of Discontent

It started way before winter but now it feels like I'm stepping into a lovely warm spring. This is only because - as advised by my family and friends - I'm finally letting it go.

It all began at the end of last May, because - believe it or not - I cared too much ... I was going to ask a certain person for their opinion on how we should do something - so they wouldn't feel hurt or left out of our plans - but my grumpy said he'd sooner do it by himself if I didn't mind, so off he went. That mission totally backfired and he was the one left upset.

Things did get partially smoothed out a week later - because of certain assurances made by us - but my GOM was still very hurt by their initial reactions. And for him this never went away.

Time passed, we had to get organised and these people needed to be approached to tell them our plans and find out what they wanted to do. And here's where things really took a nosedive. My grumpy old man made one simple mistake - which was rectified within twenty minutes. But it was too late.

I was warned around this time to be careful what I write on the Internet, this in itself puzzled me, because up to then I'd written nothing about it or them and didn't even know I'd end up doing so.

I won't go into too much detail because my family and friends already know the truth so I'd just be repeating myself - again. I'll just say that I wrote a letter to one of these people explaining things better and I stupidly assumed this had put things right.

I found out later that I was wrong. This person had latched on to grumpy's mistake and must have gone on to tell everyone their version of events, which - if these friends of theirs knew me - couldn't possibly make sense or be true.

I discovered I'd become persona non grata with several people and still (at the time) with no real idea of why this should be. Grumpy was also told that if we went somewhere we'd been invited to, then they would be okay with him but ignore me. This obviously meant we couldn't go.

But by now - me finally having cottoned on - I was starting to retaliate on my Facebook timeline ... this probably wasn't my best idea but I was frustrated by the injustice. And when I say retaliate, I mean I told the absolute truth. This didn't go down too well - because for people who hated me, they went out of their way to find out what I had to say.

We had a visit at the beginning of this month. I was verbally abused and accused of being an idle gold digger (not the exact words used because I'm being polite, but they are transcribed in full in another - as yet unpublished - post). I was also accused of having a relationship with my ex-husband, if that statement hadn't been so hurtful to me and my grumpy old man, it would have been laughable.

My grumpy was asked what he saw in me and he was told that no one likes me and everyone thinks the same about me. As we move in completely different circles which NEVER overlap - some of my friends pointed this out - I can't imagine who these 'everyone'  are.

My husband was too shocked to react at the time but since then he's again assured me it's just jealousy on their part. He has been telling me for a long time that this is the case. I don't mind people being jealous of me, but I would have liked some idea as to why ... clever, witty, happy, drop dead gorgeous ... yes I'm all those but I don't think they're the reason - do you?

It has become obvious to me that - as a couple - we've wasted eighteen years bothering about what certain people think. And for me in particular, being made to feel grateful - from thirteen years ago - for any crumbs of acceptance flicked from their tables.

Well, after all that has been said and done, we ARE going to get on with our lives and these people will have no further involvement in anything we think and do. And if we choose to stay living where we are, then it's got bugger all to do with them. And furthermore they are NOT welcome in OUR home again.

To me they no longer exist ... alas my grumpy is a little more stuck with them than I am. And if they decide to remind us of their existence in any way that further upsets my husband, then I WILL publish the other - much nastier and more detailed - posts one at a time. And let these people take note - I record conversations on my very expensive phone ... because I've got an app for that ...