Thursday, 29 May 2014

Come and Hold This ...

Next time Mr Grumpy says ... "come and hold this", remind me to tell him to go and boil his head.

I went and held this ... which was in fact a ladder; so he could put up another bird feeder ... I was holding on to said ladder and standing on the bottom rung as ballast - as per my instructions - whilst watching the blue tits and listening to the babies in the box nearby ... then he stepped down onto my finger ... and it was my fault.

My finger is huge and blue and is most fortunate NOT to be adorned with rings or I'd have needed them cutting off.

He wasn't satisfied with this though ... oh no, not by a long chalk:

I had actually rushed out of bed and thrown some clothes on to go and help him with the ladder, because instead of sitting still like a good husband first thing in MY morning, he was pacing up and down with seed, nuts and water for the feeders and just generally hovering at the bedroom door saying things like ... "whenever, you're ready ... no rush". Yeah, right.

So, after assaulting my finger and blaming me for HOLDING the effin ladder, I went back in to have my shower - whilst nursing my oh so poorly finger ... "Oops" he declared from the other side of the shower curtain ... "I've flushed the loo" - an absolute no no in the tin hut when someone - well, me to be exact - is showering. So there I stood, bracing myself with finger held aloft, as my extremities sizzled under the rather hot water ... and I called him a tw*t.

Then shortly after this we went for a walk at Gibraltar Point, he took me down a footpath so he could feed the birds there ... "Ooh, it's a bit overgrown" he declared while I'm battling - still holding my poorly finger up - with the effin nettles. "OUCH! my knees" ...  "Oh dear, I'll find you a dock leaf" he told me, while bustling past me and pushing me against yet more nettles.

I have to wonder how I'd have fared if he wasn't so thoughtful ... 

Monday, 12 May 2014

Proper Grumpiness Has Resumed

Righto, I'm back!

I think we've all had enough of my diet/lifestyle to last us a lifetime, I only kept it up because I did get - and still have - a lot of world wide interest in the whole idea of intermittent fasting blah blah blah, but I'm done with that - not doing it, just writing about it - we've both got to our target weights and are maintaining with a variety of methods, the latest of which is 18:6 ... which just means we fast for 18 hours, skip breakfast every day, eat during the next 6 hours and then don't snack in the evening ... except once a week or I'd be chucking my toys out the pram and spitting my dummy out.

Anyhooo, I want to get back to my occasional DIARY, which is sometimes grumpy and sometimes funny. This will keep me out of too much mischief and lets me get things out of my system ... and if I can entertain anyone with what me and Mr Grumpy get up to  over the week then that's a bonus :)


Saturday 3rd May - and I'm trying to decide on how to gain more storage at the tin hut.

Doing vitally important work in the spare bedroom and someone has nicked my tape measure. How am I supposed to work out how much HE needs to saw off?

Still undecided on what to do. But I think I've got 3 more inches than I strictly need. Being cunning I can still have lots of beds but not necessarily in the same rooms.

Getting fed up now and am in danger of going to hide in my bed ... except it's buried under mattresses and stuff.

Oddjob is no help whatsoever, he just says "whatever you want" ... Ooooh that's dangerous, cos I wants a noo caravan. He may regret that throwaway statement.

I eventually found where HE'D left my tape measure when I moved some bedding in the dining room and it fell on the floor.

Anyhoo, I ended up lying on the mattresses on the floor - as you do - told himself about the 3 inches I want removing from the bed bases ... hmmmm, I'd better actually mark them because my 3" will end up being at least 5" the way he measures.

 Sunday 4th May Sunbathing.

Sat outside under the lovely sunshine. Note to self ... mow the legs before I get them out again.

I was wandering why I was struggling to walk against the breeze, then realised my hairy legs are NOT exactly aerodynamic.

Later -  Ahem, another note to self ... WEAR GLASSES WHEN MOWING LEGS!

I've no longer got two forests but I am sporting a couple of copses on my left leg where I missed. Gawd knows what my pits look like.

That same night

Hmmm, just found himself fighting to open a bottle of bleach. I had to show him how to do it.

I - being me - pointed out that he can't possibly use bleach very often if the 'child proof' top has him baffled.

"No, I don't", sez he, "but I thought I'd clean YOUR sink FOR YOU, now I've washed YOUR pots" ... bless him.

Wednesday 7th May.

You know you're confused - possibly by hunger - when you put your oven gloves on to get something out of the fridge ... just as well I remembered them a few minutes later when I started faffing about in the oven.

Later - That moment when you know you married a barmpot - ok, let's be honest here, there's been lots of these moments so far ...

Watching a recorded episode of Mrs Brown's Boys - last episode I think - they're singing 'Grease Lightning', my grumpy old man is singing 'Street Lighting' ...