Tuesday, 29 September 2009

Paypal Generosity

I received an email on Friday from service@paypal.com.
'Oh, another scam' I thought, although I was a little surprised as it was in my inbox rather than the junk folder.

I have to admit that as the header said - 'Don't forget to claim your money from ...' - I just had to have a look before junking it.

Ooooooooh, the plot thickens.

Dear *******@hotmail.co.uk, You've still got funds! On 22nd Sep, 2009 you received 42.20GBP from richardnsl@live.co.uk. After you sign up for a Paypal account you will not only have access to the money sent by GEOFFREY SMITH, you can also use your account in the following ways blah blah blah.

Or you can just withdraw your money directly into your bank account.

Zing!! ££££££££££££ signs flashed before my eyes.

Well obviously I've got a Paypal account, who hasn't? But equally as obvious, it's not associated with my hotmail address - soon remedied. I logged onto Paypal and added the address that someone very generously paid money into, then confirmed it.... dum de dum, dee dee dee.

There it was, just sitting there, one click away from being mine - £42.20 minus £1.63 Paypal fees.

What did I do? Yes, you've guessed, I refunded it to Geoffrey Smith with a note explaining that he'd sent it to the wrong address.

So what am I moaning about?
Well, the very fact that even though Geoffrey Smith has got my email address and his money, he's never once written to thank me.

So Geoffrey Smith of Rayleigh, Essex [I have the rest of your postal address too] - email richardnsl@live.co.uk, prepare yourself for lots and lots of spammy junk mail as your email is bound to be harvested through my blog!

If anyone else pays me through Paypal by mistake, I will keep it. It's hardly my fault that an utter moron keeps using my address - and he hasn't thanked me either, other than to make 5 recent attempts at changing my hotmail password.

IF either of the two chumps get around to thanking me - the seller on eBay who obviously has trouble spelling and the ignorant Geoffrey Smith, then I may eventually remove the email address richardnsl@live.co.uk - odd email for a Geoffrey Smith.

I'm still not totally convinced that this isn't some sort of elaborate, long term scam so I removed the hotmail address from my Paypal account once I'd paid the money back, then I changed my password - so don't try messing with it.

The moral of this story: - Don't annoy little old ladies - especially the more grumpy, chunky middle aged ones with a keyboard and a blog ...

Sunday, 27 September 2009

Windows Update For Crumblies?

I have tried to drag my older friends into the 21st century - I have had only moderate success.
A couple of them are resolutely holding out regards even trying to use a computer as they firmly believe that texting is technologically advanced enough for them.

And over in the other camp of happy button pushing crumblies, we have one or two 'moments'. Very recently I received a phone call from one of them -

'I've switched my machine on but something's not right.'
'OK, what's the problem?'
'Well I can see the Kewlbox games but not Real Arcade.'
'It should be on the quick launch at the left of your taskbar'
'The bar at the bottom of the desktop' ... 'On the monitor' I quickly added, realising she could well be looking on her desk.
'I haven't got one. You know, I thought something was missing.'
'Oh right, Windows hasn't loaded properly. OK, press the start button on your keyboard, it'll say start or have a picture like a window.'
'Take - the - cover - off - your - keyboard.'

I talked her through turning it off rather than doing a restart because she's using Millennium Edition and the menu is slightly more archaic than its successors, I knew she'd be phoning me again later to tell me that she was going round in circles and couldn't switch off with just one restart.

'Right turn it back on'
'The button on the big box?'
'That IS your computer ... yes!' through gritted teeth.

She got it back on - with the taskbar. I talked her through making a shortcut and drop it on the desktop - and how to delete the half dozen extra ones she made. I had to go and lie down after that, I find it very stressful trying to remember ME for one friend, XP for another when I'm firmly in the Vista camp with the others.

I am currently trying to get the ME user to upgrade, especially as she has bizarre notions of going on the Internet - can you imagine the fun I'll have teaching her that when after only 5 years she still has to look for her start button ...

Thursday, 24 September 2009

Going Batty

Now I've had a minute or two to myself, I've been reading Asda's bat check at Langley Mill and first of all I'd like to say "thanks" for doing it. I was worried about the bats but it appears that they aren't roosting in the Heanor Haulage buildings, so go ahead, knock 'em down - although from the report it looks like the only checks were made on Station Road, Cromford Road and the railway bank. Whereas it's on Heanor Haulage's back yard that we mainly see the bats at dusk but I suppose that may be due to them catching the moths that are attracted to HH's big security light.

We've seen far less bat activity this year than previous years so they've probably sniffed the winds of change and decided to pack their little bat bags and moved on to pastures [roosts] new.

I've sent my 'moany' email to the council about the proposed extension to Bridge Street and also pointed out the problem with the Smiths Flour Mill lorries blocking the road.

Of course, we were in our summer residence when the promised council letter finally arrived, so my neighbour propped it in a prominant position for our friends to collect from our peasant residence last Wednesday on their way here for a 'crumbly week'.

I was ably assisted by said friends in my 'moany council letter', getting their approval - appreciated - and tips on how to exaggerate - ignored - but I have to say, their crumbly version would have made excellent though novelistic reading.

I see from the AVBC website that there is only ours and one other letter from Bridge Street so far. But not to worry as these will soon be joined by letters or emails from my neighbours, some who have already written; ready to send, and others who are busy scribbling away as I type this post.

I hope we'll be taken notice of, they're planning on building almost twice as many houses [up to 60] than Bridge Street already has [34], being terraced houses we have to park our cars on the road so I don't see how we'll cope with the extra traffic, plus Bridge Street has always been a safe haven for children playing, bats flying, grumpys moaning and cats snoozing ...

Wednesday, 16 September 2009

Abducted by Aliens?

We did our usual route to Skegness and started reminiscing about one journey about six years back when we first bought the manor - I can't remember which sarcastic friend christened it that but it's stuck.

Anyway, on that particular occasion, we were on our way and had planned to do a pit-stop at Tattershall as usual, when one of our crumbly friends in the other car - she with the ancient bladder - phoned me to ask if we'd mind stopping on the A17 at a roadside cafe. This was fine with us as we're most obliging for a couple of grumpys and it would make a nice change.

We got fed and watered and made up our minds to stop at Tattershall as originally planned, because madam insisted that she'd need to 'go' again by then seeing as it's about half an hour further on. It took 10 minutes - or so it seemed, both cars turned into the car park, we all laughed at how quick we'd got there and drove back out to continue our journey.

We've timed it since and we're still puzzled. I've come to the conclusion - tongue in cheek - that we were abducted by aliens, yes both cars. But the really annoying thing is we must have been rejects, I mean, what's wrong with us? Admittedly three of us could stock a chemists at a push and the fourth is still holding out for an allergy to brag about, but we're all fine specimens of antiquedom!

So aliens, next time you want to abduct me, can you see to it that my entire journey only takes half an hour rather than the usual two and half hours. I'm still waiting and hoping for 'Beam me up Scotty' technology or failing that I want a water-shute like in the Barclays advert. Yes, that would suit me fine ...

Monday, 14 September 2009

Surprise 50th Birthday Party!!!

No, this isn't me announcing that I've had a party, it's more a non-subtle hint that I'd like one - please.

My 50th birthday is fast approaching and I'd like it to be a bit more memorable than the 40th birthday I had a couple of years ago [ten, really?] - beans on toast at my sisters followed by an evening in with the grumpy old man.

I've mentioned that I may be away at the caravan aka 'the Manor' for my birthday to several people, who didn't so much as bat an eyelid or go into a huddle to discuss the fact that - 'Gosh the birthday girl might not be around for her surprise party'.

There have been no surreptitious phone calls, in fact - NOTHING!

I've interrogated the G.O.M. he didn't even say 'wait and see'. I think the only way I'm going to get a surprise 50th birthday party is to organise it myself then look completely surprised when I turn up. I can do this. I've been practising surprised expressions along with my grumpy ones, I do end up grimacing though, when I forget which one I'm supposed to be doing.

The Venue

Well, when it was my 40th birthday, my ahem, supposed friends suggested that if I were to have a party, I'd have just enough friends to fill a phone box.

It has been deemed that now I'm a mere 120 months older that I've accumulated enough friends to hold my surprise 50th party in a bus shelter - as long as there's ample parking for the mobility scooters and zimmer frames.

What Kind of Party?

Many, many years ago, I was watching some fireworks in the distance, I surmised that they were for a birthday party [it was in August]. I sat there quietly musing that I'd like some fireworks for a birthday party and went on to wonder how difficult it would be to get them, as then - way before the millennium and any excuse to let off a few bangers - the only time fireworks were readily available to us in the UK was for bonfire night.
What was I thinking!? My birthday is the day after bonfire night, I was born two weeks early thanks to a 'jumping jack'. And this senile moment was while I was a mere teenager in my mid 30's!

So, if in early November anyone sees a bunch of crumblies in a bus shelter - with a sparkler in one hand and a sausage roll in the other, don't worry, it'll just be my 'surprise 50th birthday party' ...

Friday, 11 September 2009

What the ¥@%* Is Perimenopause?!!

Apparently, and yet again, they can't possibly mean me, one of the symptoms of perimenopause is damn mood swings!! boo hoo, sob ...

Now I can ham it up with the best of 'em, guaranteeing tea and sympathy from the GOM, until boredom sets in and kicks me up the a**e. But this time I feel dreadful! I have flu-like symptoms, I daren't eat anything as I instantly turn into a bag of wind and I'm SUFFERING! I even - and this is deadly serious - stopped 'playing' with my beloved computer and took to my bed, a shivering agonized wreck yesterday afternoon.

I decided to cruise t'interweb to look up my latest symptoms, whilst languishing in a 'look at me, I'm really ill' posture on the sofa later in the day - I am a renowned hypochondriac, one who hasn't visited a doctor in 26 years I might add!

I completed a survey on the women to women website - which was very informative and helpful - and so far they haven't asked me for lots of money.

My results showed that:
a) I have severe symptoms caused by 'entrenched hormonal imbalance'.
b)I don't give myself adequate support so things have got to change.
c)I make low demands on my body - being idle, this is fairly easy - but I don't need any more stresses in my life or my symptoms will be exacerbated - so Asda, Heanor Haulage, PMB and the county council - PUSH OFF!

I need lot's of 'lady vitamins', a better diet with more fruit and vegetables and gasp - exercise - me? - they cannot be serious! AND!! I must cut down on alcohol, I have decided in my wisdom that this is poor advice so shall ignore it, as I get valuable vitamin C in my orange juice with bits in which I drink with my whisky, likewise Southern Comfort, I drink that with frozen fruit in rather than ice, so healthy and balanced I think.

I had a really bad night, PMB didn't even get to wake me up as I was still tossing and turning in a sweaty but shivery fashion at 1.21 when the brrrrrrm clatter started. They'd only finished at 11.10 the previous time. When I finally dragged myself from my pit this morning, I shuffled about from room to room, bent over with pain and muttering under my breath that if I don't come equipped with a willy in my next incarnation, I'm going to sue ... someone, anyone!

I'm almost tearful because we've got wall to wall sunshine and I want to go back to the seaside but haven't got the strength to finish the ironing or pack the bags - this probably serves me right for treating other ladies with disdain when they said they were 'as weak as kittens' when they went through a certain age. My brain hurts - this is obviously due to its size, being too large for my cranium - don't argue!

All in all I'm feeling miserable so don't anyone dare upset me or you will be immortalised in my blog ...

Monday, 7 September 2009

Bridge Street's Extension

Damn! In the interests of not antagonising our wonderful county councillors I've had to cross out all the best bits in this post.

We've received another letter from Asda - bless 'em. Although I know this is the councils idea and not Asda's, I'm afraid Asda will most likely get the flak.

I'm tickled pink that the residents of Dean Street have voiced their concerns and been listened to. I suspect the amendment we received about Heanor Haulage's workshop was a sweetener, well consider us not sweetened enough!

I suppose in a way Asda has done as we asked and not joined Bridge and Dean Streets, but come on, extending Bridge Street all the way around to almost the top of Dean Street, it's pushing it a bit.

On Bridge Street, we'll have to contend with Asda and their associated bits, including deliveries 24 hours a day, Heanor Haulage offices, Heanor Haulage eyesore - sorry - workshop, the new housing behind us and now the poor residents of Dean Street think we should have our road extended so it won't affect them - give me a break!

Oh, what's the commotion on the street now? Oh I say, County councillors, how spiffing, a bunch of geriatrics group of people pointing at things and voicing the opinion that you could easily drive two cars past each other on our street at the same time. HELLO! Everyone was at work! why didn't they visit at the weekend or after 6.00pm when everyone is home, you can't move for cars then.

In the letter it's stated that Bridge Street is wider than Dean Street, this may be so and if it is, why do they need extra parking on Dean Street, surely if they warrant the proposed 11 [indicative] parking spaces for 23-ish current houses, they can accommodate THEIR traffic instead of sending a probable 70 odd extra cars up and down Bridge Street. If I'm honest, I prefer Asda's original idea of joining the two streets with a one-way system, but I can't speak for everyone else.

We will get a letter from the council soon to ask for our views [with 14 days to reply], well council, you can have them - get stuffed! no thanks. There won't be a single resident on Bridge Street happy with this latest amendment.

We have come up with better access for you, councillors - as you couldn't find your backsides with both hands - carry Wesley Street on and leave Bridge Street alone, seeing as the plan is to use that route anyway for emergency vehicles, or use the waste land next to Potters [between Dean Street and Queen Street], there will be no issues with parking there as it is at the backs of properties.

I await our letter from the council with bated breath ...

Friday, 4 September 2009


We took a bus ride to Nottingham yesterday, it was horrible!

Now, I'm not known for my long legs; being a relative shortarse, but the seats we sat on [near the back], meant my knees were practically under my chin. The deaf t**t in front of us was listening to his music. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought the in-ear earphones were supposed to be quiet for every one else, every time he turned to look through the window I threatened to whack him on top of his head because I got the full blast from his left earphone - obviously my threats were made knowing full well he couldn't hear me.

Added to that there was a man across the aisle - fortunately he got off at Eastwood - who'd obviously tiddled his britches [peed his pants] over a l-o-n-g period of time, he was RANK!
I don't know if this is an obvious sign of me getting older but I actually voiced my opinion out loud & it's not like me - honest.
'Have you noticed it's much fresher on here now that stinky sod has gone?' I asked of the grumpy old man.

There was also a child on the bus that needed gagging, are parents deaf? She squealed the entire journey, so much so that I couldn't fully enjoy what the deaf t**t in front of me was listening to!

I remember a time when I used to love going to Nottingham & I really enjoyed the bus journey, I went most Sundays just for something to do & get a bit of city atmosphere. Now I couldn't wait to get away, beach or no beach - yes, Nottingham has got a beach, it's not the same without sea though is it?

By way of punishment for dragging me away from my beloved computer, I forced the grumpy old man to look in every jewellers window that we passed, pointing out REALLY expensive diamonds & watching him start to sweat & panic - now that I enjoyed.

We'd gone to Nottingham because Himself had to go to Boots for his yearly retinopathy doo dah, where they put drops in his eyes to keep the pupil dilated for a photo. He went in for the drops, after a few minutes he came back & sat down, I was playing with the MWG zinc ii & didn't look up.

'I wasn't aware that being diabetic meant you were deaf'
'Well we heard everything she said, it's nice to know you're only a borderline diabetic, but I do think it's a good job you're here about your eyes & not your willy or we'd all know about Mr Floppy'.
There were nods, titters & smiles from the others & one lady said 'She is loud isn't she?' And she wasn't talking about me either!

After the deed was done we went to catch the bus back, via a couple more jewellers of course.
Why is that you always get someone at the back of the bus who has to start phoning people as soon as you leave the station?

'Ayup, it's me, yeah. De ya fancy gerrin some boxes Sat'dy? it's cheaper than goin' aht ... Oh, right ... well yer can still go round Chesterfield Friday. Orlrite, Bye.'

'How much are you betting he phones someone else in the next 2 minutes?'

'Ayup, I've just been talkin ter yer missis, she sez ahv got ter ask yer if yer want ter gerra couple boxes Sat'dy cos it's cheaper ... oh, are yer? ... Are yer sure? ... Oh orlrite, I thought I'd ask 'cos it's cheaper ... yeh, she said so, but yer can still do that ... right, bye'

'If he rings one more person up I'm going to shove that phone up his a**e!'
Fortunately for both of us, Billy no-mates got off at the next stop before I could cause him permanent damage.

Where did this violent, snobbish streak come from? I used to be lovely. I remember a time when I went on the bus to meet my sister in Nottingham. A very bad mannered woman who was sat next to me, turned towards me & sneezed down the side of my face, it smelt horrible. She didn't apologise & I didn't say anything, all I did was wipe my face with a tissue & dash off the bus as soon as we arrived - past my waiting sister to wash my face. If the same thing happened now, I'd wipe my face with the tissue & ram it in the woman's mouth & have lots to say!

So, until the same time next year ...

Thursday, 3 September 2009

Just a Hobby?

Please note, where I say it's rumour, that is exactly what I mean, I'm not privy to secret information or 'in the know', everything else I write is a fact - from my point of view.

I'm tired & irritable this morning, PMB Pallet Express kept me awake until gone 1.00am, then woke me again at 5.30 & at regular intervals afterwards, I was hoping they'd have bogged off somewhere more suitable by now but with the latest rumours I've heard we might not be getting rid of them after all.

The rumours circulating now are to do with the council [highways - whatever] not being happy with increased traffic that a combination of Asda & Heanor Haulage will cause as Langley Mill just isn't big enough to cope.

Has no-one even considered the traffic to Smiths Flour Mill on Cromford Road? We often can't get in or out of Bridge Street as there are at least 2 lorries queueing up across the bottom of the street waiting to get into Smiths yard. Not all of them Smiths lorries either, I've been told this is because other lorries use their weighbridge.

So if the latest rumours are to be believed, all is not going too well in the Asda/Heanor Haulage camp, we know for a fact that Asda don't really want Heanor Haulage as neighbours - we'd been told this at the very first 'residents exhibition' but Mr HH wouldn't sell his land unless they let him stay. I think I'd like to try something similar when I go to Asda - seeing as they are so reasonable - get to the checkout to pay for my shopping, then say 'I won't buy this shopping unless I can keep my money too'. I like it!

Apparently - another rumour coming up - Mr HH had already sold his businesses elsewhere & needed to keep this bit as a 'hobby', why doesn't he take up bowls or cross stitching as a hobby? But fair enough, he's worked hard & been lucky enough to love his job, let him keep his hobby, but please take it elsewhere.

Heanor Haulage's back yard is a mess at the moment, a little while back it looked like they were clearing it up but there are what look like 'quarry lorries' [or even Terex mining trucks, now I've zoomed in - tut, I'm so nosy] as well as bits of cranes, old boilers, flatbeds & general crap. Oh & the other rumour is back on that HH may just stay on their 'back yard' if they can't find anywhere suitable for the aforementioned crap, lovely ...