Wednesday, 18 May 2011

Asda’s Torture Therapy

Monday 9th May:
Pretty uneventful day ... work, work. work.

Tuesday 10th May - very early [still dark]:
What is that NOISE!!????
I eventually got up and dressed and went in search of this horrific noise. Hmm, I think it's from across the road and if it's Asda's 'breathable' building causing it, then it wants chuffing suffocating! It didn't seem to be bothering anyone else though so I was very much on my own ... at this point.

We went out - I couldn't stand it any more, by now my grumpy old man could hear it too [sans hearing aid] and I was to find out later that so could my neighbour who earlier had been making too much noise of her own [cleaning] to be aware of the constant squeal. After sitting down for five minutes, she became very aware.

Even later:
We arrived home to find the noise had stopped, YIPPEE! They must have fixed it.

Wednesday 11th May- 5.37:
Oh no, not again. I got up, it's no use staying in bed with that noise, it's bloody torture! I started work, I might as well get some benefit out of being up early.

Lunchtime - My grumpy old man came home after doing whatever it is that grumpy old men do when they're let loose. 'I can hear that noise' he announced, 'I'm going to see 'em at Asda because they can't know about it' ... Off he went.

The manager was asked for, he got a security man and a 'Dave' ... 'It's not us!' the 'Dave' categorically stated. ... 'Hmmm, ok, but while I'm here - and for the second time of asking - will you get some grease on the delivery yard gate bolts? They squeak awful in the night.' ... 'We don't have deliveries in the night, 6.00am is our earliest delivery' ... This from the security guard who either doesn't know what he's talking about and should shut up or is just a liar ... he can choose.

Upon grumpy's return I abandoned my work [losing money here Asda!!!] and went to make sure of our facts as to where the noise was coming from. We saw the aforementioned security guard at the back of Asda and he pointed towards Netto - I have to ask ... with this type of intelligence whether or not he was fit for the job, hmm, probably perfect actually.

I went on over the bridge to check on the units at the top of North Street and although the high pitched squeal/whine was still loud on the bridge it disappeared going down the steps. Grumpy went to check at Smiths Flour Mill. No, it was definitely Asda so I went back to work [you owe me Asda!] and my GOM went back to see the 'Dave' again. By now the 'Dave' agreed it was them and it was being sorted.

So complete denial to full admittance - such training Asda staff receive.

Yes, I know it's boring and long winded but it is a diary ...

Thursday 12th May 5.48:
I'm up again and getting tetchy now through lack of sleep, I never EVER go to bed before midnight [usually later] because I don't need to. If that f%**%$%*$ NOISE doesn't stop sometime today I'm going to go down to Asda and start making nasty threats. By now, it's obvious that it's something to do with the bakery as it starts stupidly early and finishes 6.00pm-ish. [not sure as I was always out when it stopped].

My neighbour is as badly affected as me, along with our cats and her dog, they just sit rigid with a pained expression on their faces ... Me? Well, I look like I'm sucking on a lemon.

Friday 13th May 4.30am:
A delivery to listen to [these don't happen in the night apparently so feel free to ignore this moan]. Admittedly the 6.00am delivery is louder and sounds like thunder rumbling [pallets and cages], lots of clanking, clattering and booming [like two boats banging into one another in a harbour] what do they do in there?

I got up and started my new work that we fetched last night - a really, really bad idea. For once it's not the type of work I can do with my eyes glued to the telly or firmly shut while I nod off [I do this].

No, this is the stuff I have to concentrate on whilst looking through a magnifying light at something no bigger than a needle point to get it the right way - 30,000 times and no mistakes or I'm in very deep do-do [it's all very hush hush and I'm not actually allowed to say what could happen if I get it wrong]. The system is; I do a 1,000, check them then the GOM re-checks them then I check them all again much later with fresh wide awake eyes.

I check my first 1,000 - Oh sh*t, so many wrong! I have no choice but to pack it away, my ears are screaming, I've got a throbbing headache and I can't think straight. Oh no! I've got a deadline. I've promised this work will be done and back by 23rd May. There's nothing else for it, we've got to go to the tin hut by the sea two days ahead of schedule.

My neighbour phoned ... 'Are you dressed? I can't stand it any longer, are we going to Asda?' ... 'Yes! I'm on my way!!!!'.

We went to customer services and asked for the manager, he was on holiday - we got a 'Kirsty' and a 'Phil' instead. Before either of us got a chance to say anything - 'Is it about the noise?' 'Well, let me apologise and explain ... it's a fan in the bakery [I told you so], it's going at half speed, there's no on/off switch [I could have remedied this with a hammer, I'm sure I didn't suggest it, but I may have mentioned setting fire to the place at some point].

The 'Phil' likened it to a dimmer switch that's turned on half way ... he must use cheap dimmer switches because more expensive ones don't squeal [or indeed hum] - I'd know. If he meant transformer then he should have said so, we do know long words on Bridge Street, some of us use lots of them [irrespective of their true meanings] and anyway I'm very intimate with the workings of transformers.

Yes, I'm being horrible, Phil was actually very, very nice and extremely apologetic and worked in finances, just the sort of person to talk to about maintenance, but the 'Kirsty brought him with her to explain things to us - presumably because she's a woman and doesn't know 'mens stuff'.

Now - to get really pi**ed off ... Apparently they didn't know about the noise until Thursday when someone phoned up to complain - although [if you're going to contradict yourself, don't do it in front of me - auto-pilot or not, my brain still soaks up verbal diarrhoea like a sponge] they could ALL hear it in the offices, hmm.

We explained that my GOM had been in twice on Wednesday and saw a security man and a 'Dave' - 'Oh well we weren't in work then'. Such communication! We said that having been neighbours of Heanor Haulage we're used to being agreed with to our faces, then being fobbed off with false assurances and finally totally ignored ... grimaces all around at the mention of Heanor Haulage and suggestions that they are a law unto themselves. The 'Kirsty' said 'Oh we're not allowed to do that', I said that I wasn't suggesting they were - but they weren't doing a bad job if Wednesday was anything to go by.

Anyway a 'John' was coming to fix it this morning, he was at an emergency in Sutton. He was either going to force the fan to run at full speed or switch it off and order a new unit.

We left sort of satisfied, witnessed what was probably a drugs deal part way down the street then bumped into my other neighbour - they'd been in to complain on Thursday. Don't Asda talk a load of bo***ks?!

During my ironing/packing the noise stopped, I saw two men on Asda roof and reached for my phone to text my neighbour. Ooh, she beat me to it - a text from her saying 'it's stopped!'


Not for long, it carried on as before.

I'm not going to over-bore you with details on how I was in a right state by the time we got to the caravan [8.45pm], but I will say I was in bed before 9.00pm [unheard of] and I didn't unpack [bugger, forgot lot's of important things in my befuddled state] until Saturday - with my ears whistling their very own tune.

During the weekend I kept in touch with my neighbour, who by Monday seemed to be at the point I'd reached on Friday, with the noise now having a new and interesting vibration.

I know that these Asda people told us that they're not there to annoy anyone - even saying that Asda's built 10 years ago are still receiving complaints, hmm, really - but they're doing a good job of annoying us so far. We'd already had one horrendous year with the demolition/construction [expected] then more noise and mess with them clearing up after themselves this year [unexpected and unnecessary]. But Asda - as with all developers - try to brainwash us into believing that they're doing us a huge favour.

Anyway, I'm lucky. If I hadn't been able to escape, I'd almost certainly be out of a job now. Unreliability doesn't exactly get you sacked at the company I work for, but work would simply run out for me.

I lost hours of sleep, hours of work/money that I had to make up over the weekend [no time to blog either but I'm now finally caught up to where I should be with my work].
I don't suppose Asda will compensate us for our suffering - and believe me, we've suffered.

Two weeks ago Argos inconvenienced me for 20 minutes and gave me a big apology and a £5 voucher. So Asda, over to you ...

UPDATE - Thursday 19th May:
Text from my neighbour ... The high pitched whine has now been replaced with what sounds like a GIANT CRICKET!!!

A Further Update - Friday 20th May:
At last, it's quiet [relatively speaking] the offending fan must have been fixed - and about time too ...

Thanks???? for the facebook link - David - Just call me Miss Marple while I have a chuckle ...


  1. I'm offended that you would think that about me, i was simply laughing at my fellow colleagues that you named in your post, no ones suffering makes me laugh, and if you notice on the 'Reactions' on your post most people find it funny.

  2. Awww David, don't be offended, I knew you were laughing at your colleagues but I wanted to show off my Miss Marple prowess. I was just trying to get a reaction from you, after I so ahem, cleverly [in my opinion] worked out who-dunnit.

    I will change it now to just a chuckle or two 'cos I agree I wasn't being nice to you.


  3. Awesome, cheers, I got in to work and someone was like 'she's not happy with your comment' and when I read it I thought it was actually pretty good to be named in one of your blogs, I have been reading them since early 2010 and to be named on one is a pretty good achievement me thinks, so I never meant to offend :D

  4. Hi David,
    I never thought for a second that anyone would actually want to be named in my blog. That was a real eye-opener for me, lol.



Be nice, I'm very sensitive.