Friday, 4 September 2009


We took a bus ride to Nottingham yesterday, it was horrible!

Now, I'm not known for my long legs; being a relative shortarse, but the seats we sat on [near the back], meant my knees were practically under my chin. The deaf t**t in front of us was listening to his music. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought the in-ear earphones were supposed to be quiet for every one else, every time he turned to look through the window I threatened to whack him on top of his head because I got the full blast from his left earphone - obviously my threats were made knowing full well he couldn't hear me.

Added to that there was a man across the aisle - fortunately he got off at Eastwood - who'd obviously tiddled his britches [peed his pants] over a l-o-n-g period of time, he was RANK!
I don't know if this is an obvious sign of me getting older but I actually voiced my opinion out loud & it's not like me - honest.
'Have you noticed it's much fresher on here now that stinky sod has gone?' I asked of the grumpy old man.

There was also a child on the bus that needed gagging, are parents deaf? She squealed the entire journey, so much so that I couldn't fully enjoy what the deaf t**t in front of me was listening to!

I remember a time when I used to love going to Nottingham & I really enjoyed the bus journey, I went most Sundays just for something to do & get a bit of city atmosphere. Now I couldn't wait to get away, beach or no beach - yes, Nottingham has got a beach, it's not the same without sea though is it?

By way of punishment for dragging me away from my beloved computer, I forced the grumpy old man to look in every jewellers window that we passed, pointing out REALLY expensive diamonds & watching him start to sweat & panic - now that I enjoyed.

We'd gone to Nottingham because Himself had to go to Boots for his yearly retinopathy doo dah, where they put drops in his eyes to keep the pupil dilated for a photo. He went in for the drops, after a few minutes he came back & sat down, I was playing with the MWG zinc ii & didn't look up.

'I wasn't aware that being diabetic meant you were deaf'
'Well we heard everything she said, it's nice to know you're only a borderline diabetic, but I do think it's a good job you're here about your eyes & not your willy or we'd all know about Mr Floppy'.
There were nods, titters & smiles from the others & one lady said 'She is loud isn't she?' And she wasn't talking about me either!

After the deed was done we went to catch the bus back, via a couple more jewellers of course.
Why is that you always get someone at the back of the bus who has to start phoning people as soon as you leave the station?

'Ayup, it's me, yeah. De ya fancy gerrin some boxes Sat'dy? it's cheaper than goin' aht ... Oh, right ... well yer can still go round Chesterfield Friday. Orlrite, Bye.'

'How much are you betting he phones someone else in the next 2 minutes?'

'Ayup, I've just been talkin ter yer missis, she sez ahv got ter ask yer if yer want ter gerra couple boxes Sat'dy cos it's cheaper ... oh, are yer? ... Are yer sure? ... Oh orlrite, I thought I'd ask 'cos it's cheaper ... yeh, she said so, but yer can still do that ... right, bye'

'If he rings one more person up I'm going to shove that phone up his a**e!'
Fortunately for both of us, Billy no-mates got off at the next stop before I could cause him permanent damage.

Where did this violent, snobbish streak come from? I used to be lovely. I remember a time when I went on the bus to meet my sister in Nottingham. A very bad mannered woman who was sat next to me, turned towards me & sneezed down the side of my face, it smelt horrible. She didn't apologise & I didn't say anything, all I did was wipe my face with a tissue & dash off the bus as soon as we arrived - past my waiting sister to wash my face. If the same thing happened now, I'd wipe my face with the tissue & ram it in the woman's mouth & have lots to say!

So, until the same time next year ...

No comments:

Post a Comment

Be nice, I'm very sensitive.