Sunday, 31 March 2013

My Winter Of Discontent

It started way before winter but now it feels like I'm stepping into a lovely warm spring. This is only because - as advised by my family and friends - I'm finally letting it go.

It all began at the end of last May, because - believe it or not - I cared too much ... I was going to ask a certain person for their opinion on how we should do something - so they wouldn't feel hurt or left out of our plans - but my grumpy said he'd sooner do it by himself if I didn't mind, so off he went. That mission totally backfired and he was the one left upset.

Things did get partially smoothed out a week later - because of certain assurances made by us - but my GOM was still very hurt by their initial reactions. And for him this never went away.

Time passed, we had to get organised and these people needed to be approached to tell them our plans and find out what they wanted to do. And here's where things really took a nosedive. My grumpy old man made one simple mistake - which was rectified within twenty minutes. But it was too late.

I was warned around this time to be careful what I write on the Internet, this in itself puzzled me, because up to then I'd written nothing about it or them and didn't even know I'd end up doing so.

I won't go into too much detail because my family and friends already know the truth so I'd just be repeating myself - again. I'll just say that I wrote a letter to one of these people explaining things better and I stupidly assumed this had put things right.

I found out later that I was wrong. This person had latched on to grumpy's mistake and must have gone on to tell everyone their version of events, which - if these friends of theirs knew me - couldn't possibly make sense or be true.

I discovered I'd become persona non grata with several people and still (at the time) with no real idea of why this should be. Grumpy was also told that if we went somewhere we'd been invited to, then they would be okay with him but ignore me. This obviously meant we couldn't go.

But by now - me finally having cottoned on - I was starting to retaliate on my Facebook timeline ... this probably wasn't my best idea but I was frustrated by the injustice. And when I say retaliate, I mean I told the absolute truth. This didn't go down too well - because for people who hated me, they went out of their way to find out what I had to say.

We had a visit at the beginning of this month. I was verbally abused and accused of being an idle gold digger (not the exact words used because I'm being polite, but they are transcribed in full in another - as yet unpublished - post). I was also accused of having a relationship with my ex-husband, if that statement hadn't been so hurtful to me and my grumpy old man, it would have been laughable.

My grumpy was asked what he saw in me and he was told that no one likes me and everyone thinks the same about me. As we move in completely different circles which NEVER overlap - some of my friends pointed this out - I can't imagine who these 'everyone'  are.

My husband was too shocked to react at the time but since then he's again assured me it's just jealousy on their part. He has been telling me for a long time that this is the case. I don't mind people being jealous of me, but I would have liked some idea as to why ... clever, witty, happy, drop dead gorgeous ... yes I'm all those but I don't think they're the reason - do you?

It has become obvious to me that - as a couple - we've wasted eighteen years bothering about what certain people think. And for me in particular, being made to feel grateful - from thirteen years ago - for any crumbs of acceptance flicked from their tables.

Well, after all that has been said and done, we ARE going to get on with our lives and these people will have no further involvement in anything we think and do. And if we choose to stay living where we are, then it's got bugger all to do with them. And furthermore they are NOT welcome in OUR home again.

To me they no longer exist ... alas my grumpy is a little more stuck with them than I am. And if they decide to remind us of their existence in any way that further upsets my husband, then I WILL publish the other - much nastier and more detailed - posts one at a time. And let these people take note - I record conversations on my very expensive phone ... because I've got an app for that ...


  1. Would it surprise you to know that not all there friends believed them. The first person your talking about is very well known to me and she made the mistake of making her feelings known from the start. So although her friends agree with her to her face there was always the feeling that she was twisting things to suit herself. I don't know you personally, but we do have mutual friends and I heard from them what your plans were and how happy you were to involve everyone. I don't think it mattered what you did or said because once you were getting married the £ signs were all that mattered. Yes Facebook was a mistake, you played straight into her hands, my advice is don't do any more public statuses. I hope that telling you what we know cheers you up, it's not as 1 sided as you think. Please keep writing your blog I especially like reading what you and grumpy are doing and well done with your diet I've never heard of it but I might try it 1 day instead of going to SW or WW. A Well Wisher

  2. Wow! What can I say? This was totally unexpected. I was just going to put this post back to draft because it's made me a little uncomfortable.

    When I saw there was a comment I admit I was filled with dread. I knew it wasn't from one of my family or friends as they've also been warned by this person (through me) to be careful what they say ... or rather they've got say it to her face so they can be told the 'truth' about me. And after the sheer nastiness I've had to endure, I'd rather they stayed out of it.

    Anyway, thanks for your kind words, they've cheered me up no end. And I've stopped being annoying on Facebook, I realised I needed to concentrate on what's important in my life, and they just aren't even on my radar.

    Ah, the diet. We like to call it a 'lifestyle' because it's a rest of life change :)

    I'll be blogging about that again soon as I'm nearing my target weight, plus - funnily enough - I'm about to publish one about me and my grumpy. I have to say that writing about daft stuff we do is so much easier now I've got things off my chest, it's been very therapeutic.

    Once again thank you, you've made my day.

    Julie :)

  3. Excuse me Mrs I thought you had been advised not to say things on facebook . about your life and loves --i.e. diamonds and spending money. Don't blame me if you get shouted at .I am just reminding you .

    1. Hello Mrs completely anonymous,

      I knows who you are by the awful punctuation. Any idea who my well wisher is? I know you have problems keeping quiet and I'm thinking 'mutual friends' of me but also knows someone else very well. I'm stumped and it's not good for my nosyness. Although there were an odd couple of 'likes' on my Facebook page from people who I know should be their friends ... dum de dum ;)

      Anyway, I like being annoying, I don't mention anyone other than hubby and me on my 'public' status/statuses/statii whatever. And very soon I may start mentioning Radley bags again hehehehe.


Be nice, I'm very sensitive.