One Reason I'll Never Be Rich

Our plumber rang last Tuesday ... 'I'm just calling for the part needed for your boiler and I'll be around in about ten minutes', he told the grumpy old man. We'd been serviced a few weeks before and a slight dribble was noticed - the boiler, not grumpy - hmmm - now we're being fixed.

'I'll just go and fetch some cash from the machine at Asda' sez my old dribbler ... 'Oh, how much do you want?' ... I'd still got my birthday and Christmas money from the parents, not that I haven't bought something, but I used my debit card on t'interweb. I'm still hoping to get my computer fitted with a cash slot.

For a geriatric, my GOM can move at a fair lick. He raced across the dining room, scooped up my posh Radley winter bag and dug out my equally posh Radley winter purse in less time than it took for me to finish the above sentence.

He proffered me the said purse and I handed him the cash required - just like that, this is because I'm lovely and generous.

Wednesday morning we were going out with some more crumblies. Before we set off I ascertained that he'd now been and got some more cash if we needed it, because I wasn't getting any out of the machine at Peak Village as they charge for the privilege ... 'Yeah, I'm ok thanks.' He never offered me a penny ... tightwad!

Saturday night saw himself checking the Irish Lottery results. He's totted it up and talked in this weird foreign language about fours and fives and pennies, doubles, trebles, blah, blah, blah. It transpired that grumpy had won just over £100, 'very nice' I thought, rubbing my hands together.

He came back from the bookies yesterday ... again talking this strange language that we've all [my family] repeatedly asked him not to bother with, we only ever want to know the outcome.

He stood in the doorway watching me work ... 'I've got me winnings' he said, patting his pocket, 'If you want to borrow any money,' he winked, 'I've got some'.

'Borrow? ... Borrow?' The rest of my reply was mostly unrepeatable - all I can tell you is that the word I used most began with a W and ended with an anker ...