Saturday, 1 October 2011

Letter To Mr Cameron

I received this email recently and found myself nodding and agreeing to just about everything, so I thought I'd share it with those who haven't received it yet:

Dear Mr Cameron,
      Please find below our suggestion for fixing the UK's economy.

Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan:

You can call it the 'Patriotic Retirement Plan'.

There are about 10 million people over the age of fifty in the workforce.
Pay them £1 million each [yes please] severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:
  1. They MUST retire ... 10 million job openings - unemployment fixed
  2. They MUST buy a British car ... 10 million car orders - car industry fixed.
  3. They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - housing crisis fixed.
  4. They MUST send their kids to school/college/university - crime rate fixed.
  5. They MUST buy £100 worth of alcohol/tobacco a week [hmm?] ... And there's your money back in duty/tax etc.
It can't be any easier than that! If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances.


Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.
This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They'd get  free dental treatment and eye care.
They'd receive money instead of paying it out.
They'd receive special diets on religious grounds.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week and all clothing would be washed, ironed and returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education.
Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.
Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.
Each senior could have a PC, a TV, radio and daily phone calls.

There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised. Laid wet and sore in a stinking bed. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay £600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.

Think about this (more points of contention):


Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic, our government could track a single cow, born in Appleby almost three years before, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Cumbria?

And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
It is time for us grumpy old folk of Britain to speak up! ...


  1. i agree entirely.This is the best ever.You have wrote some super letters.This is certainly the tops.Please forward to Mr D. Cameron.Please grumpy put up for the council.Who wants Mr Cameron when we could certainly get something done with GRUMPY OLD WOMAN.yOU HAVE CERTAINLY GOT MY VOTE.A lot more im sure would join me.You know who i am too.

  2. Yes, but I didn't write it, I copied it. So, I'm not that good am I?

    And yes, I know who you are - you're the bad student who makes my teeth itch because you refuse to leave a space after a full stop!!

    I'm not putting up for council because I think it requires that I'm here more than I want to be - tin hut by the sea - to do the job properly ... now parliament, that's another thing - second home, expenses, long holidays - yep, I'll be your next MP, will that do? ...


Be nice, I'm very sensitive.