Three - Pain in the Derrière

After successfully fending off seven phone calls in the last four days from the Three network - I asked Google who was calling me - I finally gave in and answered my phone

"Hello, I'm calling from Three, your network provider" ... "yeah" ... "am I speaking to Mrs W?" ... "yes and no, I've changed my name to Mrs something else" ... "OK, Mrs W, ma'am, as you're such a privileged customer of Three, I've got some offers just for you" ... "I've changed my name" ... "I must tell you first that this call may be recorded for training purposes" ... "yeah, and I'm recording it for stopping annoying phone call purposes".

"Ma'am can I ask what phones and networks other members of your are family on? ... Blah blah blah.
Tuning back in two mins later after telling her grumpy does NOT need to join Three with a fabby new phone on any kind of contract ...

"What type of touch phone (her words) would you like ma'am, Android or Windows? ... "Android" ... any particular phone ma'am, Mrs W?" ... "I rather fancy the Samsung galaxy s5 mini" ... "oh, that's a lovely choice Mrs W, ma'am, but what I can offer you ma'am is Samsung galaxy s5 for £28 month with nothing to pay up front" ... "I don't want a Samsung s5, it's too big" ... "but it's screen is 5 inches ma'am" ... "I don't want 5 inches, I want 4.3 or 4.5 maximum" ... "it's unlocked, I'm sure you know what that means ma'am" ... "I don't want it" ... "You can use it as a hotspot, it's got 4g, 600 mins, unlimited texts, free 0800 calls, cheap 0845 calls. Ma'am you're privileged as an excellent customer" ... "I don't want it, I'm ending this call now, goodbye" ... "witter, witter ma'am ...

My Christmas Grotto

Saturday:
I'd had to buy a new phone as my poor old Samsung Galaxy s2 - aka Freddy - was starting to fail. Sadly it died today, and ironically almost the very last thing it did for me was to check the whereabouts of my soon to be Samsung Galaxy s5 mini in electric blue.

I tried to revive Freddy using my usual method of hoiking out the battery, making rash promises about not dropping him on the floor daily and alternating between threatening to throw him at the wall and giving him the kiss of life. Alas he didn't respond other than getting hot, so I've had to accept that he's gone to Galaxy heaven ... RIP Freddy Phone.

Monday:
My fabulous phone that I'd ordered from Dubai - thus making it over £100 cheaper - arrived today, therefore I was busy tweaking ... no time for Christmas decorations.

Tuesday:
My fabby new phone - aka Truffles - has now been rooted. I could no longer cope with being so restricted on what I could do with it ... even less time for Christmas decorations other than fetching them from the attic to the back bedroom.

Wednesday:
Not entirely sure I'm happy with my fabby new phone. Got back in the car at Newark after traipsing around town for HOURS. And the pedometer thingy just popped up to tell me I'd achieved 50% of my target FOR THE DAY!  Well, that can just sod off!!

Hmmm, I suppose I could have sat shaking my phone while I drank my Guinness and ate my philly steak sandwich, chips and onion rings, but I didn't want to smear it up with cheese and pepper sauce. I will try harder tomorrow ... to do the other 5,000 steps.

Thursday:
As Christmas was fetched from the attic Tuesday afternoon with the aid of my butler/chauffeur. This morning 3/4 of it - still two mega-humungous cartons to bring down - has made its way to the dining room.

I did this all by myself, whilst the aforementioned butler/chauffeur did important stuff ... checking his bets and blood pressure - not necessarily in that order.

I forgot to have my new super duper smartarse phone about my person so I don't know how many effin steps I've done. I estimate at least 15,000 so that's finished yesterday off, and I've covered today's steps already - never mind that it only says 471 - I'm good.

Later the same day:

I finished grottoing the front room, except I need a new candle bridge doodah, mine has given up the ghost but I have had it since I was at Aristoc - about 20 years ago - so can't complain. I also decorated the kitchen and dining room, except for my snowy village, I always do that the day after as it takes ages and I get snow everywhere.

After I finally sat down, hours and hours later, Grumpy took it upon himself to tell me my cross stitched Santas picture wasn't straight. I told him ... "you go up the stepladders once and it gives you the right to pick fault" ... git!

Friday:
I did the village. Maybe you can tell I love Christmas decorations.

I wouldn't mind doing all this if it didn't seem like it was only last week when I put it all away. I'm not bothering next year, it can all stop up because:

a. I'm not here most of the summer.
b. no one visits me so it doesn't matter ...