50,000 miles.

We celebrated clocking 50,000 miles in our car on our way to Skegness today, we knew before we set off that it was going to happen, it was just a matter of guessing where. I picked the correct stretch of road, the A17, not too difficult to suss out as we know roughly how far we travel on any routes of our choice.

As we got closer we were both glancing myopically - ok, presbyopically as it's age related poor sight - at the odometer, between us we decided we were on either 49,999 [me] or 49,998 [him] so it was a case of reaching 50,000 either at the bottom or top of the crawler lane. Ah! my eyes were best, his excuse was he was wearing his distance glasses whilst I was wearing my new, soon to be adjusted varifocals, amazing I saw anything really as they're rubbish.

50,000 miles is an awful long way to go just to escape from Heanor Haulage, but that is what the bulk of our travelling has been for, well half of it, the rest was just taking me back, whereupon my reaction on turning onto Bridge Street, each & every time for the last 5 years has been 'That bloody building is still there'.

This was way before we'd heard that Asda wanted to be our neighbours. I had harboured notions of petrol bombing the place, even going so far as to see how to do it on the Internet. Of course I'd never have done anything of the sort but there's no harm in a little escapism is there? Apart from anything else I'd already told everyone I wanted to do it, so the first place the police would visit for questioning would be here.

Likewise ways to get rid of my ex-husband, there wasn't much chance of me bumping him off, as over the years I'd jokingly told everyone, including him, of my chosen methods - poisoned mushrooms, loosening the stairs carpet & rewiring the kettle. It was a case then of making sure he stayed alive, much to his amusement. Especially one day when I went to fetch our pooch [shared custody], he was mowing the lawn with a lawnmower that had a cable chavelled in places where he'd run over it with the mower exposing bare wires, I went loopy at him!

'I thought you'd be pleased, you'd get all my money if I frazzled' [we weren't yet divorced then]
'No you moron! Everyone knows I've still got a key, they'd think I'd been in while you were out & tampered with your cable. I'd be languishing in prison, not spending your money!'

I got my grumpy old electrician to sort out his cable ...