Monday, 17 August 2009

United Queendom & Other Great British Moans

We've had our Queen so long now - and long may she live - that I think we should qualify for a change of name.

We live in an age of sexual equality - as long as his shirt is ironed - so I think it's wholly appropriate for the name change.

I have read somewhere that on becoming a Queen our monarch became an honorary man. If this is true then why isn't she a King? And anyway what woman in their right mind would want to be a honorary man? The only benefit I can see in being a man is being able to go to a public toilet without having to pull your knickers down & 'hover' - hopefully - somewhere above the loo - but somehow I don't think an honoraryship provides you with the equipment for that.

I'm first & foremost English [only British on pain of death] & spend many irritating moments filling in online forms & get to the bit about the country & it never says England, Northern Ireland, Scotland or Wales, it's nearly always UK, sometimes, but very rarely GB.
What's the difference between UK & GB, you may ask? Well now, pay attention as you'll be tested on it later -

Great Britain is the kingdoms of England & Scotland & the Principality of Wales.
Britain is England & Wales [therefore, Scotland must be the Great bit].
United Kingdom is England, Scotland, Wales & Northern Ireland.
UK is actually short for United Kingdom of Great Britain & Northern Ireland.
The British Isles includes all the above plus Eire [Southern Ireland], Isle of Man, Isle of Wight, Hebrides, Orkneys, Shetlands, Isles of Scilly, Lundy Island, Channel Islands & lots of other small islands.

United Kingdom & Great Britain are NOT England as is a common mistake made by people the world over, it's just that England is the biggest bit. We don't all live in London & speak like the Queen or with a cockney accent as portrayed in films where the well-spoken English chap is the baddy & the cockneys are lovable rogues.

In fact we have several languages, never mind dialects in the UK [UQ] & I for one think it's important to preserve them. It has been reported that in a few decades we'll all be talking in some sort of gangsta-rap, I hope this is an exaggeration. I love listening to regional dialects & accents & hope they'll never be lost.

Back to filling in online forms - IF, in a fit of pique, I tick USA instead of UK, I notice that they invariably get a further option for their appropriate State, so I'm starting to feel a bit short changed.
Yes, we live on a small but not insignificant island, and we're all fiercely protective of our individual country identities, identities that we're fast losing because of mass immigration of people who don't want to integrate & be British, they mainly come to use our benefit system & National Health service. But I'm not getting into that here or I'll be accused of being a racist & I'm not. It's just that if I were to go & live in another country, I'd expect to learn & use the language, pay my way & taxes & obey the laws of my adoptive country. Then if I wasn't happy I'd simply come back home.

Now where was I before I got on my soapbox? Oh yes. Most people in this country have only experienced the reign of our Queen, me included [I'm not that old]. So if we have to be a United country, I vote we become UNITED QUEENDOM. Hmm, maybe not, it does sound a bit gay now I think about it ...

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Be nice, I'm very sensitive.