The Christmas Dinner List

We went to visit my mother at her care home the other teatime [just before I was treated to a night out by the grumpy old man], within seconds of walking into the room and her seeing who had just arrived to bore her now [father and sister already there], my mum promptly put down her sandwich, closed her eyes and fell asleep - I have this effect.

I'd barely dished out my Christmas cards when my sister handed me - no not a Christmas card, she is sticking to the 'no Christmas cards' rule suggested by me in one of my Scrooge moments last year - none other than a menu/list ...

'I've got fourteen for dinner, I've decided to delegate.' She announced, In essence this is a brilliant idea, there was the typed menu with names listed for who was in charge of preparing/cooking each item of food. I was down for carrots, sausage rolls, vol au vents and trifle [which is only carrots more than usual]. I noticed that my niece was down for crisps and nuts - very Denise Best [Royle Family].

My sister had wanted to cater for a large extended family Christmas even before they'd moved to their house just over a year ago. In fact the top of her list of requirements in her new-house-to-be, was a long room for the Christmas dinner table [yes I thought it was a bit 'Escape to the Country' where they always envisage Christmas with an open fire and huge alcove for the tree, blah blah]. Anyway, this didn't happen, she still ended up with two square-ish, albeit bigger and posher rooms.

The organiser of the event - aka my sister - informed us that the dining table is being moved into the lounge [supervised no doubt by said organiser]. If there isn't room for everyone [likely], the grumpy old man and myself - being the more peasanty relations - may end up sitting on a couple of beanbags in the garage, balancing a tray each on our knees [the garden furniture will already be in commission]. I may hold my carrots to ransom to prevent this.

'Do you want the carrots roasting? I'll do them with a smidgen of maple syrup, what about parsnips? ... oh Andrew's down for them oooh, also in maple syrup, great minds think alike' ... hang on a minute, where's your name? You're not down for anything!' ...

'Well I'm organising it all, I'll be there giving instructions, I can't be expected to do anything else'. This is the same sister who breaks up today for two weeks, the first week, ostensibly to 'organise Christmas'. Hmm, I'll let you know how it goes ...