Christmas Present Wrapping

One's husband made himself busy wrapping one's Christmas pressies today - bless him.

While this marathon task was happening I wandered into the bedroom carrying fresh out of the dryer - are we ironing these? not on your Nelly, it's Christmas - clothes, and I was told not to look ... so I didn't.

Then he came downstairs with one wrapped item, again I was told "don't look". In fact, he went as far as to turn my head the other way. He nearly got my duster stuffed up his nose. Then when said item had been placed in the living room I was told that I HAD to go and look NOW! Even though I know exactly what it is, so had no idea why I had to go and 'admire' this, ahem, mystery present.

For the next hour I could hear paper being torn and the sellotape machine whizzing away and he was making his usual - I'm working so hard "phew" noises - and then he shouted down to me ... "it's never ending this lot".

Well, it serves him right. I bought everything myself and stuck it in a box for him to wrap well over two weeks ago.

Uho, we've now had an "oh dear, I'll be glad when I've done this, I'm sweating" ... moan.

At least he won't be doing anything dopy like wrapping the envelopes I'd bought last year for the Christmas cards I was making - which never got finished as mum died last year on 9th Dec, the day before her 75th birthday. And then we had to take dad into the hospice for Christmas straight after her funeral on the 20th, so life then was a bit of a blur - and I'd accidentally left the envelopes in with my bag of pressies so he wrapped 'em. I still can't believe he did that ...

Three - Pain in the Derrière

After successfully fending off seven phone calls in the last four days from the Three network - I asked Google who was calling me - I finally gave in and answered my phone

"Hello, I'm calling from Three, your network provider" ... "yeah" ... "am I speaking to Mrs W?" ... "yes and no, I've changed my name to Mrs something else" ... "OK, Mrs W, ma'am, as you're such a privileged customer of Three, I've got some offers just for you" ... "I've changed my name" ... "I must tell you first that this call may be recorded for training purposes" ... "yeah, and I'm recording it for stopping annoying phone call purposes".

"Ma'am can I ask what phones and networks other members of your are family on? ... Blah blah blah.
Tuning back in two mins later after telling her grumpy does NOT need to join Three with a fabby new phone on any kind of contract ...

"What type of touch phone (her words) would you like ma'am, Android or Windows? ... "Android" ... any particular phone ma'am, Mrs W?" ... "I rather fancy the Samsung galaxy s5 mini" ... "oh, that's a lovely choice Mrs W, ma'am, but what I can offer you ma'am is Samsung galaxy s5 for £28 month with nothing to pay up front" ... "I don't want a Samsung s5, it's too big" ... "but it's screen is 5 inches ma'am" ... "I don't want 5 inches, I want 4.3 or 4.5 maximum" ... "it's unlocked, I'm sure you know what that means ma'am" ... "I don't want it" ... "You can use it as a hotspot, it's got 4g, 600 mins, unlimited texts, free 0800 calls, cheap 0845 calls. Ma'am you're privileged as an excellent customer" ... "I don't want it, I'm ending this call now, goodbye" ... "witter, witter ma'am ...

My Christmas Grotto

Saturday:
I'd had to buy a new phone as my poor old Samsung Galaxy s2 - aka Freddy - was starting to fail. Sadly it died today, and ironically almost the very last thing it did for me was to check the whereabouts of my soon to be Samsung Galaxy s5 mini in electric blue.

I tried to revive Freddy using my usual method of hoiking out the battery, making rash promises about not dropping him on the floor daily and alternating between threatening to throw him at the wall and giving him the kiss of life. Alas he didn't respond other than getting hot, so I've had to accept that he's gone to Galaxy heaven ... RIP Freddy Phone.

Monday:
My fabulous phone that I'd ordered from Dubai - thus making it over £100 cheaper - arrived today, therefore I was busy tweaking ... no time for Christmas decorations.

Tuesday:
My fabby new phone - aka Truffles - has now been rooted. I could no longer cope with being so restricted on what I could do with it ... even less time for Christmas decorations other than fetching them from the attic to the back bedroom.

Wednesday:
Not entirely sure I'm happy with my fabby new phone. Got back in the car at Newark after traipsing around town for HOURS. And the pedometer thingy just popped up to tell me I'd achieved 50% of my target FOR THE DAY!  Well, that can just sod off!!

Hmmm, I suppose I could have sat shaking my phone while I drank my Guinness and ate my philly steak sandwich, chips and onion rings, but I didn't want to smear it up with cheese and pepper sauce. I will try harder tomorrow ... to do the other 5,000 steps.

Thursday:
As Christmas was fetched from the attic Tuesday afternoon with the aid of my butler/chauffeur. This morning 3/4 of it - still two mega-humungous cartons to bring down - has made its way to the dining room.

I did this all by myself, whilst the aforementioned butler/chauffeur did important stuff ... checking his bets and blood pressure - not necessarily in that order.

I forgot to have my new super duper smartarse phone about my person so I don't know how many effin steps I've done. I estimate at least 15,000 so that's finished yesterday off, and I've covered today's steps already - never mind that it only says 471 - I'm good.

Later the same day:

I finished grottoing the front room, except I need a new candle bridge doodah, mine has given up the ghost but I have had it since I was at Aristoc - about 20 years ago - so can't complain. I also decorated the kitchen and dining room, except for my snowy village, I always do that the day after as it takes ages and I get snow everywhere.

After I finally sat down, hours and hours later, Grumpy took it upon himself to tell me my cross stitched Santas picture wasn't straight. I told him ... "you go up the stepladders once and it gives you the right to pick fault" ... git!

Friday:
I did the village. Maybe you can tell I love Christmas decorations.

I wouldn't mind doing all this if it didn't seem like it was only last week when I put it all away. I'm not bothering next year, it can all stop up because:

a. I'm not here most of the summer.
b. no one visits me so it doesn't matter ...

Heanor Haulage STILL Here ... and Asda's Extension

Fed up, hardly slept last night - Mr Grumpy gave in and got up before 4.00am - and H-effin-H have been here since before 8.00am with their crane and railway tracks ... again.

Along with Asda's chuffin deliveries and extension being built - and their appalling night time customers and twatting revving up car park racers - I'm ready to go live in a tent somewhere up a mountain ... as long as it's got central heating and a big bath.

Gawd knows what it'll be like when they start clearing up Heanor Haulage's crap and building the new 'dwellings' and access to them. And we still don't know what is going to happen to the HH land on the front.

Hopefully whatever they do, will be done next summer when we can escape, too bad for the other Bridge Street residents ...

On a happier note - for Langley Mill - after the success of the summer festival on Cromford Road, they're holding something similar - Cromford Road Christmas Festival - on Saturday 6th December when the road is closed between 4-9pm. I look forward to it ...

Black Friday in Middle England

Can anyone explain why nearly every email I'm getting this week is offering me 'Black Friday' DAILY deals?? I thought for Black Friday we had to have thanksgiving first.

And seeing as we're NOT having thanksgiving - being English (ok, British) last time I checked - I have to wonder why this is yet another commercial bandwagon we've jumped on.

And I've checked the 'deals' I'm interested in and they're the same price as last time I looked. With the quoted pre-sale price being a week in the middle of summer when I wouldn't have bought any of the items anyway ... I do believe I'm having a déjà vu moment ...

One Way Traffic?

We've just received our parish magazine, and it appears that our illustrious local council has submitted comments at AVBC - on the proposed extra 58 rabbit hutches, oops dwellings (along with the 60 already passed) - for a recommendation of a one way traffic system, using Bridge Street AND Dean Street - ahhh, bless, they'll have to be disturbed - to relieve traffic issues.

Well, they won't take any notice of my comments - they never do - so fingers crossed they WILL take notice of our parish council ...

Blue Plates for Little Dinners

A friend on Facebook commented on a photo I shared - of my dinner at Wetherspoons - that blue plates can be used as an appetite suppressant. It must be noted that I rarely manage to eat all my Wetherspoons dinner, even though it's my first meal of the day and I'm proper hungry by the time it arrives around 2.00pm. There's no real problem there though as I have my very own grumpy dustbin with me and he always helps me out.

Of course I had to have a look at these appetite suppressant claims for myself - well I asked Google ... as you do. Hmmmm, It extends far beyond the plates. Decor is involved too.

My dining room is predominantly yellow/gold with only a smattering of blue/green/orange - oops - and my plates are of a similar hue - oops again. I will have to fetch out my royal blue - with gold stars - Christmas table cloth earlier than usual ... that'll be tomorrow then.

McDonalds - aka McCrap - are playing with our noshing senses by using yellow and red lighting. Even I'm not impervious to the warm glow emanating from the McLitter corner of Langley Mill ... no I don't go in and order anything, but I've noticed by the time I get home that I'm actually dribbling ;)

And if you're a fridge raider, it's recommended that you use a blue light in there ... or simply cover the bulb with the blue chocolate wrapper in your hand.

Fortunately I only go in my fridge when it needs filling or emptying, and isn't the sort of place I'd look for a snack ... on the other hand, the inside of my nut cupboard is gleaming white ... and filled with red (chocolate) tins and orange (Jacobs) cracker boxes where my nut stash is held captive ...

Charity Phone Calls

I'm afraid the British Red Cross has just lost out on a donation. I've had loads of crap from them through the letter box - odd Christmas cards, couple of robin coasters, a calendar, pen etc - so I was prepared to do my duty of an online donation ... when I was ready.

Yesterday evening I received a  phone call from them virtually demanding £15 a month by direct debit. I told the pushy 'saleswoman' that I already give to charities of my choice and I'm not setting up a direct debit to donate £15 a month to any one charity.

She switched down a notch telling me about how with training, someone had saved the life of a two month old ... this was after the hard sell of Ebola. And would I donate a little less than £15 a month. I just said "goodbye".

I already give £15 by direct debit to various charities every month and usually - if I'm feeling flush or a particular sad Sri Lankan dog or cat needs my pennies - I donate £20 to Dogstar. I WON'T be made to feel guilty by cold callers and their hard sell methods.

So British Red Cross - you're getting bugger all now. I've now given your prospective share to Dogstar Foundation!

Anyway I think charities have had quite enough out of me lately. I regularly send lots of clothes to their shops. And they've done especially well this week because some dope took the wrong bags - I was swapping summer for winter clothes in my wardrobe - I could hardly sleep last night after going in the shop yesterday and spotting some of my clothes, although I didn't see my lovely brand new skirt with the £39.50 price tag still on it! ...

Glad To Be Back :(

Monday:

H-effin-H have been playing with two cranes, numerous lorries and railway tracks across from us since 8.30 this morning - and they were still at it gone 6.30pm.

It was pointed out by my neighbour that HH waited for me to come home, ha di ha ha :(

Tuesday:

HeanorHaulage clearly hate me, they've been bringing the railway tracks back since 7.30am.

So much for council rules on what they can do on that land and at what time of the day - ie "everything indoors and only between 8.30-18.00".

Deliberately being away for my birthday - and bonfire night - meant that I didn't have to phone 999 when Mr HH and his minion set fire to things. Why he should think bonfire night provides him with a licence to burn old containers etc, behind us I don't know.

On a more positive note, Asda have closed in their loading dock so the lights no longer shine in my bedroom and - so far - they haven't woken me with night time deliveries. I bet that doesn't last.

Wednesday:

Asda clearly hate me. Work is being done on their warehouse extension, which involves enormous amounts of reverse bleep-bloody-bleeping. This is very reminiscent of when they built the damn place only four years ago.

Oh and now their gardener is doing what he does best - using his blower to blow the crap back off the pavement and back on to Asda's, ahem garden ... obviously we have lots of McDonalds plants growing there.

Thursday:

Escaped after being woken by bleep-bloody-bleep before 8.00am.

Friday:

Really fed up of Asda and their new extension being built. The 'cherry picker' is none stop bleep-bloody-bleep. this is whether it goes up, down, left, right, backwards or effin forwards. Every day this week from before 8.00am. I can cope better with their drilling and hammering.

And now H-effin-H are here with their crane AGAIN for the third time. Not sure if the railway tracks are coming or going as the lorries aren't here yet (8.00) and I may have missed them yesterday.

Won't it be fun when H-effin-H build the 120ish new houses behind and next to us ... and extending our little street to serve them all? I'm really looking forward to that ...

Last Trip Home

I hate today. I've got to put everything away and wigwam the furniture - this includes the bed I'm still in, and not wanting to get out of.

All this has to be done around a frantically yowling cat - who is also still in bed yet - I'd put her outside in her carrier but it's too cold and damp for her old bones.

Then we've got to splodge through wet muddy grass to the car - which is parked miles away near the gas tank, with bags and bags and bags of important stuff that I can't live without.

Fingers crossed the car is ok this time. The last few years it's thrown a wobbly for our last trip home. First it wasn't firing on all cylinders and we were really struggling to get going after every junction ... 0-60 in 10 mins.

Then two years ago we'd packed the car, went for a last look at the sea and his window wouldn't go back up.

It was getting dark, pouring with rain, and the AA man - who couldn't fix it - drained the battery and we had to stay another day - I had to unload the car - again splodging through wet muddy grass while the window had a plastic bag taped over it.

Thankfully the on-site boys got us going next morning with jump leads from the tractor and the window was - temporarily - fixed at a local garage.

Mr Grumpy was NOT his usual happy self and I was in meltdown because we'd got a wedding to go to and my dress still didn't fit ...

How Now Black Cow

Anyone who knows my grumpy old man, knows that he likes to keep me happy. This includes agreeing with me at every opportunity ... I think this is due to his previous good training as it's not actually one of my requirements. And because of how I word things - being somewhat evil and enjoying watching him cogitate - he often gets it wrong.

I can practically hear the cogs trundling around until he hits on what he thinks is the correct answer ... "Yes!" he'll say - eventually - "No" I'll reply because I'd worded it back to front ... "I meant no, it just came out as yes". And then we'd giggle like the recycled teenagers we are.

However, his worst faux pas are always when he doesn't give himself time to think, his brain must see green lights pinging on and out he comes with his answer ... just like this morning.

We'd been to Gibraltar Point yesterday with my 'bells and whistles' camera to take photos of bods (birds), seals, black sheep, trees, fungi and owt else I spot, whilst also teaching himself to use my old camera ... I mostly find photos of my ar*e when we get back, I really must make him walk in front of me.

Anyway, I woke up itching this morning and discovered two mosquito (whatever) bites on my legs, even though I'd been wearing black leggings.

"Hmmmm - scratch, scratch - the little ba***rds must have thought I was a black cow" ... and quick as a flash he replied ... "yes they must".

So there we have it, I now know that my husband thinks I look like a cow in leggings ...

Happy Halloween

I know we've caught up with the Americans and gone pumpkin crazy at Halloween, but can anyone remember 'carving' a turnip/Swede?

Now that took some doing. First cutting the top off, then hacking out the insides for the candle. Making eye and mouth holes and side holes for the string to carry it. Finally adding a candle  which was invariably too big so needed burning down a bit first.

Then we used to wander around with our 'scary' turnip ... no trick or treating though, that didn't arrive at our shores until much later.

We had mischievous night on 4th November instead which was no more annoying than ringing doorbells, knocking on doors and running away - we weren't very inventive - except the time we'd been to the chippy and flicked mushy peas at windows. Obviously we got caught and had to clean all the windows.

Then we had bonfire night - properly - on the 5th of November instead of the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th etc.

Ahh, those were the days ...

Boyes For Heanor

At last, a breath of life for Heanor.

W Boyes & Co to open in the old Somerfields store.

Having shopped regularly at Boyes in Newark and more recently in Eastwood, I can say this can only be a good thing and just what Heanor needs. I hope it encourages more businesses back into our lovely town ...

Housing Planning Application For Former Railway Sidings

Just been informed by Ali - I haven't looked since early last week - that there are plans in at AVBC for housing on the old railway sidings ... the same ones of ecological value that were illegally dumped on with excavated waste when they finished building Asda ... thus obliterating any wildlife and making damn sure any future plans couldn't be objected to.

AVA/2014/0790

Former Exchange Sidings (Bridge Street)

Outline Application for up to 58 Dwellings, with access into the site unreserved.

30% of the dwellings to be 'Affordable Housing'

17 - 2 Bedroom Apartments
37 - 3 Bedroom Houses
4 - 4  Bedroom Houses

Not bad to say it was only for storing flatbeds, but I suppose it's marginally better than what the teenagers are doing on it.

Hmmm, it goes a long way, right past Argyle Street, I bet they're impressed. Oh bless, they're retaining some existing trees, well there would have been a lot more trees to retain if RG Group, Asda and Heanor Haulage hadn't seen fit to bulldoze them down and cover them with crap.

I will look at the rest of the plans when I have time. Thanks for the info Ali ...

Update 8.12.14

Having just had a check at AVBC to see if a decision on these plans - expected Dec 2014 - has been made. We're now informed that the decision has been put back until May 2015. 

Update 20.06.15

After checking daily from the 29th of May,  I now find the decision has been put back again until 23rd July 2015... 

Tweaking Maintenance

Waiting with my BIG camera for the Advanex Tour de Skeggy to finish

I'm still tweaking things slightly on a weekly basis. Saturday and Sunday I had one meal each day at 7.00pm, today I had one at 4.30 and will squeeze something in around 8.30pm. The rest of the week will be a 6 hour eating window every day.

My problem with one meal has never been hunger, but rather I'm too hyper until I eat. This was fine Saturday as I was out waiting a couple of hours to photograph family and their work colleagues - oh yes, and mine, I forget I work there - to finish their 70-100 mile - depending on where they started - bike ride for charity. This meant I could jig about. strut up and down and wiggle my bits without really drawing too much attention to myself.

Sunday was different, I was working all day to get ahead because my friend is coming to stay tomorrow and I was climbing the walls. I simply have too much energy. It's not coffee or tea causing it - I don't think - because I hardly drink any, but artificial sweeteners in my very cheap diet lemonade could be to blame.

Today I was fine because I've been very busy ... washing - the old fashioned way using a washer and spinner (I'm at the tin hut), baking a bread and butter pudding - yum - preparing the guest bedroom, and after all this I decided that outside the tin hut, veranda and steps needed scrubbing (I wasn't wrong), yawn. Only got the ironing and cleaning left to do ... which rather disproves the point made by some daft, ill informed bint that we'd be fainting every fart's end and be unable to function after missing one meal, never mind two ...
 

.....

1. Me and Alternate Day Fasting
2. Me and Alternate Day Fasting ... Three Weeks On
3. Five Weeks of Alternate Day Fasting
4. Eight Weeks of Alternate Day Fasting
5. Ten Weeks of Alternate Day Fasting
6. Alternate Day Fasting Three Months On
7. Alternate Day Fasting in Winter
8. Alternate Day Fasting Over Christmas
9. Me and Zumba
10. Saying Goodbye To My Curves 
11. Eight Months Of Alternate Day Fasting And Me
12. Growing Up 
13. A Year Of Alternate Day Fasting 
14. 60 Pounds Of Blubber - Vanished
15. The Perils of Alternate Day Fasting 
16. Mr Grumpy Is Losing It
17. Mr Grumpy Has Lost It
18. Fasting For Maintenance
19. Tweaking Maintenance
20. Weight Gain 
21. Still Maintaining
22. Four Years Of Intermittent Fasting

  .....

• ADF Facebook Group ... come and join us :)

Nether Green Service Station

I see the plans have gone in for the recently demolished Esso garage.

Nether Green Service Station Derby Road Langley Mill Derbyshire NG16 4AA - Demolition of existing Petrol Filling Station, Shop, forecourt,canopy and underground tanks and car wash and erection of new Petrol filling Station, forecourt, two canopies, convenience store with ATM and replacement underground tanks. 24 hours.

From what I've seen of the plans the entrance and exit have been switched, I assume this is because the traffic lights opposite the old exit gave the wrong impression that 'green' is for go. I could be completely wrong though ...

Asda Warehouse Extension

Oh I say, Asda, Langley Mill have submitted an application for -
Extension to rear of warehouse, Enclosure of existing covered loading area, All within existing service yard.

Maybe they're thinking of letting me sleep, because whoever works there in the night loves to throw pallets about and shove cages until they crash into one another ... or maybe they've heard about the new camera I'm getting and want to keep all the pallets of booze on the yard a secret ;)

I will peruse the plans now to find out how much future whinging I need to do ...

Fasting For Maintenence

Experiment number - oh I don't know - probably 17 by now.

After trying numerous maintenance methods since last October - 6:1 ... 5:2 ... 4:3 @ 500/700/800/1000 calories ... 2:1 ... fast-5/6/7/8. I think I've found one I really love and my weight has stabilised, it only varies by about 2lbs over the entire week, depending on the previous day's munching - well, actually we're talking about my mega-munch Saturday which I'm still having.

I have to say that after 19 months of calorie counting I was starting to get fed up - of the counting - I still love fasting. Up until now the only way I'd been able to maintain my weight was to stick with 4:3 @ 500 cals, any more and I gained. I also had to find something that Mr Grumpy could get on with because I know he couldn't stick with 4:3 forever as he misses being able to eat lots of fruit every afternoon.

The way we found our method was totally by accident, we forgot breakfast on our Monday/Tuesday up/feast days - after a double down day/fast weekend - because we were busy. Didn't think much of it Monday or Tuesday - except "how the heck did that happen?". But Wednesday morning - a down/fast day - we hadn't gained any weight, which was most peculiar after two 'supposed' up days.

Hmmmm, I know I've kind of maintained before with fast-8 (16/8) when we've had friends or family to stay, but I've always eaten late into the evening - yeah, I do mean whisky and nibbles - so ended up starving next morning ... and somewhat grumpy.

So what we did on the Wednesday is start at 16/8, then gradually drop down to 18/6 - without too much effort. We've been doing this for six weeks now and we both love it.
As I see it, we're still doing an 18 hour fast every day - so hopefully getting the health benefits of the fasting, and having a once a week 'eat, drink and be merry' day, which just means extending the eating window to 9 hours ... yeah, I do still mean whisky and nibbles.

And here's the bit that suits me most, a couple of days a week I am just a little more mindful and enjoy a mostly veggie and protein day - but still no calorie counting, the other days a biggish - by my standards - dinner and tea. Which is still reminiscent of 4:3 or 5:2 but not so strict

I don't feel deprived or stuffed any days - except Sunday morning (groan) - and himself can munch away on his fruit all afternoon ... what's more, he feels quite liberated going without breakfast and if he's happy - I'm happy :)

Oh, and this doesn't mean I've given up my beloved home made Muesli with rolled oats, pumpkin seeds, fruit, nuts, Greek yoghurt and honey - dribble - I just have it for lunch or tea instead some days.

Yes, I think I've finally cracked it - until experiment number 18 of course ... when this one has gone horribly wrong ...

.....

1. Me and Alternate Day Fasting
2. Me and Alternate Day Fasting ... Three Weeks On
3. Five Weeks of Alternate Day Fasting
4. Eight Weeks of Alternate Day Fasting
5. Ten Weeks of Alternate Day Fasting
6. Alternate Day Fasting Three Months On
7. Alternate Day Fasting in Winter
8. Alternate Day Fasting Over Christmas
9. Me and Zumba
10. Saying Goodbye To My Curves 
11. Eight Months Of Alternate Day Fasting And Me
12. Growing Up 
13. A Year Of Alternate Day Fasting 
14. 60 Pounds Of Blubber - Vanished
15. The Perils of Alternate Day Fasting 
16. Mr Grumpy Is Losing It
17. Mr Grumpy Has Lost It
18. Fasting For Maintenance
19. Tweaking Maintenance
20. Weight Gain 
21. Still Maintaining
22. Four Years Of Intermittent Fasting

  .....

• ADF Facebook Group ... come and join us :)

Come and Hold This ...

Next time Mr Grumpy says ... "come and hold this", remind me to tell him to go and boil his head.

I went and held this ... which was in fact a ladder; so he could put up another bird feeder ... I was holding on to said ladder and standing on the bottom rung as ballast - as per my instructions - whilst watching the blue tits and listening to the babies in the box nearby ... then he stepped down onto my finger ... and it was my fault.

My finger is huge and blue and is most fortunate NOT to be adorned with rings or I'd have needed them cutting off.
 
He wasn't satisfied with this though ... oh no, not by a long chalk:

I had actually rushed out of bed and thrown some clothes on to go and help him with the ladder, because instead of sitting still like a good husband first thing in MY morning, he was pacing up and down with seed, nuts and water for the feeders and just generally hovering at the bedroom door saying things like ... "whenever, you're ready ... no rush". Yeah, right.

So, after assaulting my finger and blaming me for HOLDING the effin ladder, I went back in to have my shower - whilst nursing my oh so poorly finger ... "Oops" he declared from the other side of the shower curtain ... "I've flushed the loo" - an absolute no no in the tin hut when someone - well, me to be exact - is showering. So there I stood, bracing myself with finger held aloft, as my extremities sizzled under the rather hot water ... and I called him a tw*t.

Then shortly after this we went for a walk at Gibraltar Point, he took me down a footpath so he could feed the birds there ... "Ooh, it's a bit overgrown" he declared while I'm battling - still holding my poorly finger up - with the effin nettles. "OUCH! my knees" ...  "Oh dear, I'll find you a dock leaf" he told me, while bustling past me and pushing me against yet more nettles.

I have to wonder how I'd have fared if he wasn't so thoughtful ... 

Proper Grumpiness Has Resumed

Righto, I'm back!

I think we've all had enough of my diet/lifestyle to last us a lifetime, I only kept it up because I did get - and still have - a lot of world wide interest in the whole idea of intermittent fasting blah blah blah, but I'm done with that - not doing it, just writing about it - we've both got to our target weights and are maintaining with a variety of methods, the latest of which is 18:6 ... which just means we fast for 18 hours, skip breakfast every day, eat during the next 6 hours and then don't snack in the evening ... except once a week or I'd be chucking my toys out the pram and spitting my dummy out.

Anyhooo, I want to get back to my occasional DIARY, which is sometimes grumpy and sometimes funny. This will keep me out of too much mischief and lets me get things out of my system ... and if I can entertain anyone with what me and Mr Grumpy get up to  over the week then that's a bonus :)

.....

Saturday 3rd May - and I'm trying to decide on how to gain more storage at the tin hut.

Doing vitally important work in the spare bedroom and someone has nicked my tape measure. How am I supposed to work out how much HE needs to saw off?

Still undecided on what to do. But I think I've got 3 more inches than I strictly need. Being cunning I can still have lots of beds but not necessarily in the same rooms.

Getting fed up now and am in danger of going to hide in my bed ... except it's buried under mattresses and stuff.

Oddjob is no help whatsoever, he just says "whatever you want" ... Ooooh that's dangerous, cos I wants a noo caravan. He may regret that throwaway statement.

I eventually found where HE'D left my tape measure when I moved some bedding in the dining room and it fell on the floor.

Anyhoo, I ended up lying on the mattresses on the floor - as you do - told himself about the 3 inches I want removing from the bed bases ... hmmmm, I'd better actually mark them because my 3" will end up being at least 5" the way he measures.

 Sunday 4th May Sunbathing.

Sat outside under the lovely sunshine. Note to self ... mow the legs before I get them out again.

I was wandering why I was struggling to walk against the breeze, then realised my hairy legs are NOT exactly aerodynamic.

Later -  Ahem, another note to self ... WEAR GLASSES WHEN MOWING LEGS!

I've no longer got two forests but I am sporting a couple of copses on my left leg where I missed. Gawd knows what my pits look like.

That same night


Hmmm, just found himself fighting to open a bottle of bleach. I had to show him how to do it.

I - being me - pointed out that he can't possibly use bleach very often if the 'child proof' top has him baffled.

"No, I don't", sez he, "but I thought I'd clean YOUR sink FOR YOU, now I've washed YOUR pots" ... bless him.

Wednesday 7th May.

You know you're confused - possibly by hunger - when you put your oven gloves on to get something out of the fridge ... just as well I remembered them a few minutes later when I started faffing about in the oven.

Later - That moment when you know you married a barmpot - ok, let's be honest here, there's been lots of these moments so far ...

Watching a recorded episode of Mrs Brown's Boys - last episode I think - they're singing 'Grease Lightning', my grumpy old man is singing 'Street Lighting' ...

Mr Grumpy Has Lost It!

14th April.

Hubby has lost 19lbs of the 20lbs he gained during my first year of 4:3. Yes, I overfed him - oops - but he wasn't forced to eat the sneaky doughnuts now was he??

Anyhooo, now he's done that so quickly - git!! - we're switching to 5:2 in the form of a back to back 500/600 cals on Saturday and Sunday.

This is because I work at home - when I like - and where we are through the summer - in a caravan aka 'the tin hut' near Skegness - it's busy at the weekends so we don't go very far.

This will leave us to go out any day in the week without having to think 'up or down, have I got to swap?' ... and my GOM is the best picnic maker ever - and he prepares it while I'm still in bed :)

Of course if either of us start porking up again - by more than 3lbs - we'll add another down day midweek.

We both intend doing at least two down days or DD (fasting days) a week forever as we both feel so fit and well - not at all bad for our ages 54 and 74 ;)

Update 27th April.

Yeah, yeah. So full of good (brave) intentions. We didn't even make it one week. I'd caved in by Tuesday afternoon and told Mr Grumpy that I was slipping a DD Wednesday in, he said he would too. This wasn't as strict as our usual DDs, he had around 800 cals and I had 650.
Our weight remained the same so we'll try this for the next couple of weeks ...

Update 8th May.

Well he's lost 2 more pounds without trying so we've switched to 16:8 - which is a 16 hour fast and an 8 hour eating window ...

.....

1. Me and Alternate Day Fasting
2. Me and Alternate Day Fasting ... Three Weeks On
3. Five Weeks of Alternate Day Fasting
4. Eight Weeks of Alternate Day Fasting
5. Ten Weeks of Alternate Day Fasting
6. Alternate Day Fasting Three Months On
7. Alternate Day Fasting in Winter
8. Alternate Day Fasting Over Christmas
9. Me and Zumba
10. Saying Goodbye To My Curves 
11. Eight Months Of Alternate Day Fasting And Me
12. Growing Up 
13. A Year Of Alternate Day Fasting 
14. 60 Pounds Of Blubber - Vanished
15. The Perils of Alternate Day Fasting 
16. Mr Grumpy Is Losing It
17. Mr Grumpy Has Lost It
18. Fasting For Maintenance
19. Tweaking Maintenance
20. Weight Gain 
21. Still Maintaining
22. Four Years Of Intermittent Fasting

  .....

• ADF Facebook Group ... come and join us :)

A Victim Of Vanity Sizing

There must be many ladies this has happened to and I have to wonder how dangerous the habit of manufacturers altering clothes sizes for vanity actually is.

When I left school in 1976 at the age of sixteen, I was a portly 10 stone 7lbs (147 lbs) and a (UK) size 16 going on 18.

Thirty six years later I was 14 stones 7lbs (203 lbs) and a size 18 going on 20 ... now if I'm only one size bigger despite being 4 stones (56lbs) heavier, methinks there's something wrong with this picture.

Suffice it to say I did suspect that I'd chunked up a bit ... I'd been on several diets over the years, only weighing myself during these brief interludes, and I never measured my ample proportions at any other time - I mean, why would I, it's not nice.

Around 2004 I'd decided dieting wasn't for me ever again. What was the point in all that deprivation for a few months; only for me to regain all that lost weight - plus more for good measure.
So I spent the last few years avoiding my reflection and hiding at the sight of a camera because what I didn't see couldn't hurt me.

Arranging to get married and going to Center Parcs - where all the fit people tend to go - for our honeymoon late 2012 made me rethink my decision on trying yet another diet. I didn't have very high hopes of success, all the diets I'd followed were fine for a quick fix but not sustainable in any permanent way.

Let's face it, what diets are sustainable? How many people GO BACK to Slimming World and Weight Watchers because it worked last time. Yes it did, and they're both very good diets to follow, but can you keep it up? ... No - or you wouldn't be going back.

Seeing some photos of us waiting for the Olympic torch going through Skegness - June 2012 - my so called friend had taken WITH ME IN THE MIDDLE - how very dare she! - was something of a revelation. But it was still one heck of a shock when I stepped on the scales, then I was even more shocked - and quite upset - when I got the tape measure out ... OUCH!!

I was fortunate enough - only one week into my cereal diet - to have watched Horizon's 'Eat, Fast and Live Longer' with Dr Michael Mosley ... this changed my life completely - I may have mentioned it before ... happy, happy days.

Then out of curiosity, and because I've got a good memory for detail, I fetched out an old pair of hardly worn - bought during one of my brief 'slimmer moments - 'Marks and Spencer's leggings that I'd saved from the early 1990s ... for when they'd be back in fashion (they were expensive) and also for when they'd fit me - ever the optimist - the label said size 18 and 32" waist.

Here I was 20 odd years later, wearing size 18-20 with a 40+ waist. It's not right is it? ... I'd been lied to, I wasn't just middling to chunky, I WAS FAT.

Now a year and a half later - after following the most amazing weight loss lifestyle (I'm in easy-peasy maintenance now) - that I simply can't stop talking or writing about - I'm a few pounds under the weight I was when I left school and there's not many women my age can say that.

And what was porky for a sixteen year old doesn't look too bad on a fifty four year old ... and my clothes size - 14 top and 12 bottom. I'm not bragging here. My point is ... if the sizing of the good old days - 1970-1990 - were implemented now, I'd be at least a 18 top and 16 bottom ... but it doesn't sound anywhere near as nice.

Even my sister has been fooled, she was a size 12 when she left school and was recently telling me that she must be slimmer now - albeit a stone or so heavier - because she's down to a size 10.

The clothing industry is not doing us any favours. We're becoming obese whilst convincing ourselves that we're still the same size we used to be - hardly good for our health is it? ...

Spring Clean 2014

Can someone explain to me the point of housework because as far as I'm concerned I've just wasted three and a half hours of my life ... okay I admit it, it was probably nearer two and a half hours if you take out the frequent 'vitally important' checks I had to make on Facebook and eBay. Anyway, it's still three and a half hours that no matter what I do, I'll never get them back.

I must be some sort of cuckoo in the nest because both my sisters adore cleaning and live with minimal clutter.

I've vacuumed, everywhere,  polished wood, disinfected surfaces ... including the bedroom windowsills where the cat wipes her ar*e! I don't know why she can't just clench when she sits there straight after using her potty.

Not one of these achievements  has bought me pleasure, in fact it was all done whilst wearing my sucking on a lemon expression.

I can honestly say I'd sooner work a whole day WITHOUT PAY than do it again any time soon. The tragic thing is, it'll all want doing again THIS YEAR ;)

I'm going to get me a cleaning lady ...

Mr Grumpy Is Losing It!

Well, the end of November isn't the best time of year - in the northern hemisphere - to start a 'diet'. First of all there's the run up to Christmas which requires testing noshing - because your wife is on a diet/down/500 cals day and she's baked. Then there's Christmas week itself which requires dedicated noshing - and boozing - simply because it's Christmas.

And we all know about making our new years resolutions and starting a 'diet' the first Monday of the New Year ... unless the 1st January falls on a Monday itself, because this day is also a munch day - it's the law - in which case the beginning of the diet gets deferred to the 8th, by which time you've changed your mind about the whole thing because who in their right mind wants to diet in winter anyway.

Anyway, our December didn't go according to plan. It was fairly normal until the 8th, when my mum took ill (she'd been sick all week actually) and was rushed to hospital from her care home. We'd just upped our care for my dad who was dying of throat cancer - and lung cancer plus COPD.

Do you know, it was at this point I lost all the above while using the blogger app on my phone, I forgot to save it before I tootled off to check something. It's a good job I've got a near photographic memory or this phone would have been through the window. As it is, I did a lot of "I'm so annoyed" mutterings, and moaned about it on Facebook - as you do, then re-typed it all.

Now where was I? Oh yes - parents dropping like flies. Christmas didn't really happen and 4:3 went out the window. I ate when I could, which was usually around 6.00pm and Mr Grumpy looked after his lonely little self - and the cat - at home.

So there wasn't as much weight loss in December, nor for much of January as there could have been. In fact things didn't get back to normal until 5th February after dad's funeral. When I say 'normal', you do know that I'm only referring to our 'diet lifestyle'.

So, back to the job in hand. My GOM, who joined me on my weight loss lifestyle - straight after dad's 75th birthday party in November - managed to lose 4lbs by January 1st - still not bad to say how we were living - another 5lbs by February 1st, and another 5lbs by March 1st. A total of 14lbs aka one stone.

Now three weeks later his weight loss has slowed right down - only one more pound lost (15lbs total) and his up day, down day gains and losses almost match the ones on my chart - but this is simply because he's only got around 7lbs more to lose.

This is far easier said than done when nearing goal weight - trust me I know - and when he's done that he'll be on maintenance with me ... although to be honest I'd still like to lose another 7lbs too.

Now it's worth mentioning that he's never once cheated on a down day, he's simply asked me in a morning ... "up or down?" Then he knows whether or not he can have a biscuit with his morning coffee. I still have to hide fruit because it's natural for him to dip into the fruit bowl a couple times a day.

He's enjoying his meals every day because I'm experimenting more now I'm cooking the same for both of us. Before he joined me on 4:3 I was often doing him a ready meal with extra veg and skinny soup or a stir fry for me. And he hasn't really noticed he's on a diet because I can do amazing things with veg that is both filling and tasty ...

.....

1. Me and Alternate Day Fasting
2. Me and Alternate Day Fasting ... Three Weeks On
3. Five Weeks of Alternate Day Fasting
4. Eight Weeks of Alternate Day Fasting
5. Ten Weeks of Alternate Day Fasting
6. Alternate Day Fasting Three Months On
7. Alternate Day Fasting in Winter
8. Alternate Day Fasting Over Christmas
9. Me and Zumba
10. Saying Goodbye To My Curves 
11. Eight Months Of Alternate Day Fasting And Me
12. Growing Up 
13. A Year Of Alternate Day Fasting 
14. 60 Pounds Of Blubber - Vanished
15. The Perils of Alternate Day Fasting 
16. Mr Grumpy Is Losing It
17. Mr Grumpy Has Lost It
18. Fasting For Maintenance
19. Tweaking Maintenance
20. Weight Gain 
21. Still Maintaining
22. Four Years Of Intermittent Fasting

  .....

• ADF Facebook Group ... come and join us :)

Weekend Noise And Asda Race Track

A few days ago a young woman knocked at the door and asked Mr Grumpy what we liked about Langley Mill and wanted to know what ideas we might have to make it better.

Grumpy shouted upstairs to ask if I wanted to answer her questions, I replied that there was nothing TO like about Langley Mill. A minute later I could still hear them talking and I had a rethink - what's the point of me constantly moaning about the place, then when given the opportunity; doing and saying nothing about it.

We invited her in and had a nice chat. The result was that most people she'd asked all said the same about having somewhere for the teenagers to go, instead of them being a nuisance around here.

They go to Asda and McDonalds then gather under the bridge, often up to thirty at a time, bored senseless, looking for mischief, a constant noise and using the place as their rubbish bin.

I told her if she wanted to advertise something for them to do then she'd be as well sticking a notice on the bridge for them. Then they could at least have an opportunity to read it before setting fire to it.

I did tell her that I occasionally write a blog moaning about Langley Mill, it turns out that she had read some of it.

6.00pm Friday evening I thought that one of our neighbours had got a heavy duty pressure washer out to do some intensive squirting - at the gathering teenagers hopefully - but it turned out to be some thoughtless bas**rds SANDBLASTING over the railway lines with their doors open facing us.

By 7.40pm grumpy went to investigate. Typical, he couldn't hear it over there. Oddly enough he met a man - wearing ear protection - on the bridge who had just come over to see how loud it was over here. He told grumpy they can't do it during the day because of cars in the car park - what rot.

And ... "we've got at least another hour to listen to it", turned out he meant two. It was gone 9.30pm when it stopped.

I've recorded how loud it was on my phone and I watched the thick cloud of sand come across to Bridge Street. Saturday morning we noticed how filthy all the cars were.

Anyhooo, to get back to the nice lady who is wasting her time and efforts on this dump - one thing we forgot to mention was the stupid morons using Asda car park for their Sunday evening entertainment.

Last night was the worst so far. From 8.00pm I thought there were fireworks going off as well as lots of car revving. This went on for well over an hour and my GOM decided he'd go to find out what was happening.

When he finally came back he said there were at least thirty cars on the car park, one had been on fire and two fire engine's were in attendance (ooh, proper reporting mode there). They were TRYING to get hold of the police.

All the trolley bays were full of their 'audience' as it was persisting it down. When grumpy asked what they thought they were doing, the reply he got was "it's a car park and we only come once a week". The gentleman be asked (in his twenties, old enough to know better), had come from Sandiacre so not actually all our home grown tw*ts.

We called into Asda this morning to enquire what they were doing about it  - NOTHING - it's in the hands of the police. When asked if they could have barriers to stop them going on the car park when they're shut, reply - "no because of the petrol station and the ATM machines" ... this - in my opinion - is utter bo**ocks!

Apparently there had been 60-100 cars racing along the A610 to Asda and they were queuing up to get in and out of Langley Mill. We had to wonder how many of these cars were taxed and insured and whether or not the police actually care.

I can't wait to see what next weekend will bring ...

Normal Grumpiness Will Resume ... One Day

You'll have to excuse the total lack of blog posts lately. I have got several in the pipeline but I can't quite bring myself to complete any.

The reason being is that my mum died in December - just one day before her 75th birthday - and it was my dad's funeral yesterday - he was 75 - so my heart just isn't in it ...